what or what?!?!?

According to Ewan McGregor, the greatest thing you’ll ever learn to love and be loved in return. He’s nowhere near wrong. Fights come and goes, small things becomes big, from difference of opinions to pride that has to be saved. When you learnt love, those things are like a rocky road; it’s annoying but you went through the road anyway.

Fights over lies are a whole other thing, and once a bastard indeed always a bastard.

Second chance led to other chances and before you know it he’s cheating under your nose and lied without a single guilt on his mind. Your love is what usually provides those chances for him, and when you realize things, it’s getting harder; for each day your love is getting deeper and deeper. So when you feel like you can’t stand it anymore, you break him up. And when he comes with his sweet surrender, and your feelings were bubbling together along with what you thought was some sweet memories, you gave in with nothing like ‘he’ll lie again’ crossed your thought.

But I have to say, people do change. Once always a bastard to a lovey loversons. Then comes series of questions like ‘how to know that one is changing?’, ‘do they have to reach certain age to change?’, ‘is being immature have anything to do with anything?’, ‘what if there’s some who will never change?’

‘Will love help?’

I’ve always thought that love was overrated. But now I’m standing on the edge between two concepts that contradict each other. When I say that love indeed help so much, am I overrating it? But I really do think that love aid. And so, when I say that when you really love somebody you could never deliberately hurt him or her, am I overrating it again? Then again, I really do think that way.

I’ve had what I thought was love, I cheated. Now that I think about it, it was not love; it was just some blurred thing I false implied as love. So if someone ask me I will held my head high and say I never been in love.

I’ve also experienced the love someone had me reaching stars, he ended it. His sweet lips might have said love and spread love as he sprinkle tab water to his garden. Still, he ended things equivalent with blurred thing he false implied with love. So, I doubt that his love was true.

Do I still think that once a bastard always a bastard? The answer would be ‘yes’ and ‘no’.

‘yes’ to : no he will never change no matter how many chances you gave him. He lied and cheated on you and that usually translate to he does not love you!

‘no’ to : he used to be a bastard, but once he found his true love, he’ll never hurt his love intentionally.

Got me? Cause I don’t!

This is all so, me stating love in such apparent ways when I do realize that love indeed a lot more complicated that just yes or no, black or white. While writing, I did thought; what if maybe he doesn’t love you at first and purposely hurt you, but over time, after couple of rides he rode, knowledge he experienced, he realized that you’re the one and love you truly ever since. Complication is the one thing that makes it all interesting to experience.

It’s been a rough day for my sister. The climax of her premenstrual syndrome and her boyfriend got caught lying… again! My previous posts are some evidence of the ‘again’ I was talking about. She’s been nothing but loyal and understanding (I should know, I’m her brother) when he reasoned being tired and all but god knows what he’s doing (2 days sleeping?? Come on!). Fucking annoying bastard that’s just not worth everything she was giving. Excuse my French, but I’m just over the top hating this guy. The news my sister gave me doesn’t make me hate him more, I just couldn’t.

I don’t know how many times I’ve uttered my feelings about this non-sense creepy guy and explain with so many words that he’s just not worth it. None works effectively! She’s just crawling back to his bedding of lies and hoped miracles working their ways up to her lap. Miracles got lost; she’s back with heavy loads of pain. With her own word, she was ‘mentally abused’. And now, the only thing I want her to comprehend and keep in mind is that it’s tough being single, but it’s tougher when you’re in a single relationship (relationship takes two! Doh! Both sides stories, both sides love!)

Note…
It may have been a tough day for my sister, but it’s been a tough weekend on my account. Three days of clubbing really takes it out of you. I sensed it was time for me to stop… last week. Doin it, doin it, I’m doin it well!

Lots of Drinks!

siblings nite out

I have a thought… if relationships are hard, why bother having one? But then… I have another thought; it’s harder to be alone. Unavoidable word for all singles out there. It’s true, god did made humans meant to be paired.

This sort of rush feelings that we usually get on our first date, well I gotta say, that’s the best! New feelings that are about to bound together as one, the rush of talking about the futures ahead together as a couple. Getting to know each other, the missing and everything… the things we only get on the pre-relationship we mostly missed after relationship runs in quiet a while. Come to think about it, maybe that’s the reason why back then all my relationships was so…. Dry. Though, I’m sure out there, there’s someone who can always make me feel like on the first date even though it’s our 5th anniversary. And in return, I will make sure that I’m the best that one person ever gotten a.k.a heaven on earth!

When I’m feeling happy and positive about my single relationship with myself, both my sisters were having problem with theirs. Fights really indeed common in relationships. Some were made-fights to spice up the connection, some were just stupid fights over stupid little things, some were real fights that was led by all those stupid little fights… and when it happened, it’s as if a cue for clubbing night and dance our ass off!

2 years of relationships, I say quiet a long period of togetherness. Way passed the getting-to-know-each-others-ugly-side. Maybe a time for sacrificing ones habit for the other one after the proposal handed over. We all knew it was not her time to change when he, forcibly, asked her. And she was all ‘why can’t he accept me for who I am? I can’t wear this and that, I can’t even use this ribbon!’ (And showing her rather childish ribbon and hey, non problemo). She drank much that night and still she was feeling rather blue and not in the mood. Then, around 3, he showed up putting his ego down… and yes, she’s back on track!

7 years, 2 babies popped, and too many dramas later, through all the unnecessary fights and the last fight just before we went out to drunk our asses off, they’re still care for each other. The sweetest thing happened on the dance floor, while dancing with me, she called him and said that she loves him and he said he love her too always, with upbeat love song in the air (and might I add, lots of smoke filled the air too!) hung up the phone she hugged me crying. It was 2 am, feeling better after the call she just made we danced until 7 am.

Have fun sisters?

Lots of Love!

'secret'

A friend I met recently at yahoo messenger spoke to me about this DVD that’s apparently changed his lives (I can’t say changed his lives in whole, maybe changed his point of view). The ‘secret’ they called it. Definitely I remembered talking about that certain DVD to other friend I talked earlier. I remember it clearly because it was when I said I am a negative person, then he came endorsing the ‘secret’ to me which I directly said no to. And so, when I heard this friend hand over the idea again, I was ready to say no when he shut me up and talk and talk and talk about this ‘secret’ and how it changed his life point of view and that it made him a whole new person. He really scared me, I never see him in such situation, a blabber I might say. Never before, for 11 years we’ve been friend, I saw his side of stubbornness. Intrigued (and scared a bit), I googled it. ‘The law of attraction’ was the main key to this ‘secret’, and that was the best I could get. He insisted that I should buy the book and better yet watched the DVD, and to promised him that I will buy the DVD the next day. Avoiding his odd bizarre approach, I said yes and log off with no intention to buy anything the next day for I will be hell busy cleaning the house.

And so, I was being a very good son, cleaning the house (while cursing my life), I washed the clothes, I ate, I drank, I napped. It was 7 p.m when my sisters and in-law wanted to pick something and asked me to watched Nathan in their room. While he’s playing alone with his board (which he made believed to be a fan), I explore their messy room and hoping that I would find the matrix movie I’ve been craving for the last few days. Then there it was, the ‘secret’ DVD, just laying there not yet to be opened, sealed. There’s no wonder how she got it in the first place, she has a pile of being-positive book under her dirty clothes. My curiosity level back then was over the top that I took it and opened the seal without asking permission (anyway they were out). Nathan was still playing, alone, so I went to my room next door to watched it.

It was brilliant!

As I watched the program, I don’t know why but I can’t stop smiling. I was maybe a bit overwhelming at first, but then as I thought about it, smiling is not going to harm me, why not?! I had the thought of that it was just made-believe, and that it was just so people feeling good about themselves. Well that’s the whole point isn’t it? Feel good about yourself, feeling grateful of what you have, always focusing on what you want and act on it! Sadness and misery comes all the time, don’t focus on that, focus on what you have and you feel good about. For me, ok I don’t have the perfect relationship, I don’t have a great career…

the truth is, it’s not ‘DON’T’, it’s just ‘NOT YET’!

Positively, I’m sure I will have all that in no time! Meanwhile, I’m just going to be grateful on what I do have, a great family, the good life, the good food I ate, good friends, great hair, cute looking ;-), talented, creative, etc. And now I don’t understand why I let someone-who-breaks-my-heart getting me all down the last few weeks when I have all the above that I dearly possessed all these times… it’s just stupid! Or as my friend would say… stupido idioto!

Lots of Love!

masquerade

Your sweet lips said yes to me the first time I knew you
Your sultry eyes showed cared the first time we met
Your soft hands caressing gently through my skin
I fell through deep hole you made and I’m trapped

But you left…
Left me thinking that it was all just another show you performed
a magnificent show that has blinded my eyes

Life is a theater; people have their own part
I am as blank as everybody else to know how my story would go
Let alone a story in addition of a role within a role
So how was I to know that you would break my heart?

If this is what it is, and my negative thoughts were real…
You deserved an award for the role that you played
And sincerely, I applaud you

Someone has fooled me not long before you
Someone who played a double role inside my tale
I have never been wrong in recognizing the type
But I missed one, and it was you
I saw you and you were not once showing that you are the type
I have always thought that it was your inattentiveness personality
And dealing with that I was beginning to feel ready

Your line of honesty has opened my eyes
I thanked you for coming clean with me
You knew I need constant convincing
The one thing you’re tired of giving
And my pessimistic presumption was:
That it was all planned by you intended to drive me away
You made it, you drove me away…

I may have been somewhat immature the night I called you
It was never my intention to do so and I have to apologize
I can say it was hard for me to face the fact
But I never hated you and never I will
Truth be told, I’m being grateful of what you did
You are another lesson I had to elapse to reach the end

Another immature behavior I possessed had erased you off my phone
It was not my smartest move, don’t look down on me ☺
I can promise you, if we bump into each other somewhere
I will politely ask how have you been doing
Just like what I did with that someone who fooled me before

i am free now, for you have provided a stairs for me to climb
to climb off the hole i was trapped in
and now... if it is not too much to ask
i'm begging for you to loose the stairs
just so i'm not voluntarily and easily...
enter your deep hole ever again

Lots of Love!

bye bye bitch

It may not be some kind of a new years resolution. But at least, I’m thinking it’s time for me to change. I don’t really know if it’s possible or not for me to let go of my bitchiful sentiment, but at least I’m going to try my best.

When did it all started? Well, it comes from a dear friend. And I’ve known him since junior high school. I thought he knew I am that bitchy… umm.. Actually he knew, but I think he didn’t handle with it very well. So, just last week, on YM (I kinda forgot what exactly he said to me, but I’m just going to explain the essence of the story). So on YM, he told me that he just downloaded the 2nd part of American Next Top Model cycle 9. And of course I was psyched! I love ANTM sooo darn much! I asked him right away to put it in USB and the next time we meet to bring it. He was on a sensitive mood he told me, so when he felt I was forcing him all the time, he said ‘a simple thank you would’ve been nice’, I knew I should use my manner and said ‘thank you, you are so nice’ in a polite yet sincere way. Instead, I was sort of pulling a joke and said ‘thank you Robertino’ in a making-fun kind of way.

Insulted, he confronted me right away…
‘I’m tired Bobby!’
‘I’m tired of you, you’re such a diva!’

That’s where I knew I was over the line. But still, saving my pride, I yelled back! I kind of forgot what exactly did I say, but I’m sure I said ‘try to say NO to me! If you never told me what you felt about all those things, then how should I know?! I am not a psychic you know!’

Robert, you really are a nice friend! And I’m sorry for treating you like that. Promise that I’ll change (I’ll try my best, just don’t expect too much). So we cool? ;-)

One last thing… Before I’m trying to change a little of my attitude, I would really like to empty my negative thoughts about other people that I hated. So I’m just going to spill it. I’m not going to put names; instead I’ll replace it with numbers…

1. You are so fake! If you don’t really posses something, don’t act like it. Social awareness of you wouldn’t get you anywhere. And I think it has something to do with your immaturity. You and your so-called clique should learn a lot. There’s more to it than just wealth and pride. Some are fortunate, some don’t, some black and some white, and a lot of other differences, but we are all the same human being.
2. You are so stupid! He cheated on you THREE times and still you wouldn’t hear what we’re trying to say to you? Instead you kept on listening to his ‘je ne sais qua’ bullshit. He lived near his boss, his boss is a cheater, what do you expect?! I’m not being negative, but it’s been three times, THREE times! I never want to meddle into others relationship, but you are close to me…
3. I hated you, you hurt my close one! You cheated on her three times and you still have the guts to faced me?! And talk to me?! I hated you the first time you cheated, I felt like I will never forgave you, but then she asked me to cause she loves you so much, and I gave in and welcomed you back. But bastard, you lied, and you cheated again! What kind of animal are you?!
4. You played a lot of games towards me back then. I should’ve known your type, but I was just too naïve I guess. I just don’t understand how human being could be so full of tricks.
5. You talked about him too much! It’s driving me insane… arghhhh… is there anything better for me to listen than some junk about how you realized he was the one that you shoved through my ears?
6. You are cute and I like you. But what did we talk about? Games? star wars? Myanmar?! Uh uh… i gotta tell you I am smart, but I’m not encyclopedia smart OK. I’m lost most of the time when I’m with you. oh, and i'm begging you not to play with my heart! i'm too old for that kind of games anyway! i just needed a goddamn simple relationship! is that too much to ask?
7. You really know how to make me feeling guilty. And I despised you for that.
8. I knew you were into looks and stuff, but you tried to deny it when I confronted you. The question is… would you still have the courtesy to ask me to stay over at your place if I’m overweight? I’m guessing NOT. hey, I’m not judging ppl who are into appearance, I AM anyway one of them… just be frank!
9. You are the greatest. If you don’t own both right and left hand, I would be honored to open doors for you. But hey, you DO OWN them! Stop being such a diva when you knew you’re NOT!
10. You wear too much make up; you looked like a Halloween clown. Did you ever notice that?
11. You cried all the times… my my… Ahhhhhh!!!! Why? You are spoiled little bitch aren’t you?! But it’s ok, you are cute most of the times
12. I have no idea how many times have I told you not to pupu on the pants!! I yelled, I shouted, I ignored, I threatened, even I compared… but you never listen eh? What are you sick or something that you can’t say ‘uncle I want to pupu’?!?! was it too hard for you?! Aside from the pupu thing, you are still my favorite of the two…
13. It’s funny how when we entered your room, we can’t even touch your bed sheet but when it comes to you entering our room… you are just as free as a bird sitting on our beds doncha?? Are you really that selfish slut?
14. You’ve got bigger figure than the others, and me and yes you threatened us vigorously. But you are just a little mini coward when it comes to your friends, am I right? Fucking pathetic loser!
15. Both of you are totally one of a kind, and you are totally made for each other! You both have so many similar personalities and have lasted for years. I envy you on that part. But you both are just an accusing couple who like blaming every negative things to other people, am I correct?! Bitches! Stop pointing your finger at me; you know I could do a lot worse!

It’s really tiring eh, pulling out negative thoughts… ☺
It’s still a long list, but I felt rather sick thinking the negative side of people all at once. This does not include long-lost fake friends; I might be out of control if I wrote about them… anyway…

Lost of Love!

P.S. when I judged the above list people, I do know that I have some negative points too and I’m being self-critical about it. Just reminding, so you’re not thinking that I’m some of those judgmental psycho who didn’t read himself.

this guy

I went online… again! I didn’t know anything better to do! Poor me… anyway, I went online, but back then I promised myself I wont sign in to IRC and sticking to Yahoo Messenger only just to catch up the latest gossip with some of my friends. And none of them online! Checking all mails done, downloading Aly & AJ’s ‘potential break up song’ done, downloading Amadeus 1.5.3 done… and so I turned on IRC (Arghhhhh!!!). Some people on the channel mostly they knew that DonJuahn was my nick, persisting on I don’t want anybody knew I was online; I used the nick [click`me`im`cute]. I don’t normally using nick like ‘cute’, ‘hot’, ‘handsome’ or anything similar, anyway I am this one insecure boy, especially lately when I gained a lot of weight and didn’t work out as much as I used to. No doubt, people who were into appearances all queried me (it’s really rare for me to be busy on the channel). There were rude people, weird psycho, old pervert, sex addict, immature puberty, and sadomasochist… and then there’s this one guy, he talked good English (well educated really turns me on, not in a sexual way btw). He talked shit, craps, cliché, whatever bullshits but then he managed to make all that interesting for me to response back. We traded pics, he insisted that I should view his profile and so I did. He’s not really my type for he looked so small. Whenever I chatted on IRC, it’s normal for people to find something, whether it was just a one-night stand, a simple date and/or perhaps potential boyfriend. How can I see my self with someone that looked like a midget?

One little thing that hit my attention was his overly confident self. He is! He talked it’s as if he can get anyone to like him, I was intrigued. The time I told myself I wont give any phone numbers that night, I gave him mine (think he doesn’t take no for an answer). He called me later that night. Thought he was in Indonesia but no, he was overseas (what’s the point?!?! Not another LDR!!). But then he told me he’s departing the next day and that he actually lives in Indonesia. Turned out, he’s a friend of my friend. And so when he made friendly date with his friend, my friend asked me to come along. Promised Elen that I would help her with her finals, I had to say no. But then, she cancelled on me (that beeyatch!) because he had to work the next day. So when he called me again to confirm, I said yes to Hot Station. I didn’t saw, but he said he did this face, this insistent solicit face he imitated from puss-the-boots on Shrek 2. It was kinda funny.

I met him. And turned out, pictures really indeed lied. He looks nothing like his pictures. His face was still the same, but he’s bigger. Doesn’t at all looked like a midget. Shoot! He’s a little babbling tho… and his face was as red as a boiled crab.

What’s with this picture?!?!

Lots of Love!

webcam & the number 5

Today, my task was to deliver one letter my sister gave me earlier to the post office. And so, I went to Multiplus, an all-that business centre near my house (of course after driving my dad to the atm, he’s just too lazy). I dropped the letter to be delivered. On the way out, a couple of teenagers barged in and told the lady they wanted to use the internet. I was always curious trying on one of those webcam and perhaps sign in on one of those chatting room and use the nick ‘cam2cam`Jakut’ mite be fun! (yes, I don’t have any webcam, boohoo me!). I asked the lady that I wanted to use the internet upstairs, and she just said “you’re on number six”

Hmm… not very typical like the other internet places where I just pick wherever and whichever computer as I liked and I sat and I log in. so I went upstairs and look for number six from 40 computers there. It was at the far dark corner next to the glass window they uses to separate between smoking and non-smoking room (I felt like I was in a restaurant or something). And there, the number 5, staring at me looking cute and all, and then back to his monitor. I was starting to felt ecstatic when suddenly I found out that there’s no webcam whatsoever on all the computers. Without further ado, I went downstairs and asked the lady where did all the webcam go?! She said there were never any. So I left Multiplus. At the edge of the rolling door, I just remembered about that cute number 5… Darn, I should’ve asked for his phone number! I put down my will and went home without any new phone numbers on my phonebook (such a whore).

Home with nothing else to do, I went online. And found out that the picture of Dove that I took for one pullip contest was not eliminated and go on to the next round. The theme was Bon Appetite. I was supposed to take the photograph for I already had a couple of ideas on mind. Since Dove’s in my friends hand (it’s his), and he cannot go to my place so we decided that he’s going to continue the contest alone (I might give hands if he needed one online). He already took some photos and asked for my opinion; he’s not that bad himself. I just hope he’s not getting eliminated on the second round. Work it out bitch!

It was 5 when I thought that online at home was very… Very boring. So I went to Hot Station and used the free wireless while enjoying the view… it’s as if I always forgot that the view I’m looking for wasn’t meant to be Hot Station, it was always filled with horny 40 years old male who liked to flirt with young girls (amazingly those girls response was bitchy enough that those oldies just wont stop, then the girls started screaming bitchiful, totally annoying!). Not ONE, I repeat, NOT ONE single decent men I could lay my eyes on. I ended up downloading MP3 editor program from version tracker.

Went home at around 7, quick dinner and then to my room. Listening to new Britney Spears songs! They’re good! GOOD! I loooove ‘Got me high’ she sounds so sexy! Love love looooved her! I also like ‘it’s been a while’ and of course ‘Gimme more’, and not to be left out ‘Heaven on earth’. Nicole Scherzinger from Pussycat Dolls is totally hot too! Her duet with Rihanna ‘Winning Woman’ is a must! The best featuring since Timbaland + Nelly + JT and Beyonce + Shakira.


'Got Me High'

i love it…
everything you do is so seductive
you got, that thing that i want, and then some
and i can't even front, so listen,
i know what you're missing,
better hurry up cause time is ticking,

tick tock, tick tock

come and get me while i'm hot


Soooooooo HOTTTTT..!!!
You really got me obsessed Britney!

Lots of Britney!

Religion = Marketing Plan

To me a belief is an emotional or spiritual sense of certainty. It’s not real, it’s not true, it’s just something that our mind have faith in. it comes from inside. To some it’s their God, some to their goddess, and even some to the sun. There’s nothing from real world can change that. Or can they?

Apparently, these days nothing is really impossible. People can jump off a building, lie on top of sharp nails and didn’t kill themselves. Why can’t change someone’s faith? It just takes a couple of persuasions and voila… you changed his/her God from bald to beardy and a little skinny. Or maybe from wearing a turban to six dots on His forehead?

The question is, why messed with others faith? Just so people take notice and aware that certain religion is on the map?

Maybe for one religion is to gather as much people as possible for money so they could have their charity to the poor and paid for utilities such as chairs, place, etc (am I being too positively thinking?).

Maybe if some people still confused on what faith to take, it’s fine for any religion to ‘follow-up’ and who knows, perhaps one’s interested. But to actually convinced people (who actually have faith on their own mind) to change their faith is other thing; don’t you have other better things to do? Not only you’re insulting other faith, you’re also building basic form of fanaticism.

It’s just not OK!

Lots of Love!

Bobby

I watched the movie ‘Bobby’ recently, not because my name was attached big on the movie poster, but I was more psyched with the all-celebrity-cast. They have Anthony Hopkins, Helen Hunt, Demi Moore, Ashton Kutcher, Elijah Wood, Lindsay Lohan, Sharon Stone, Heather Graham, that dude played morpheus in the matrix, that kid from Transformer who I’ve heard dated Rihanna?, and many more!

The movie was drop.. dead… Boring!!

Hey, I have nothing against that senator of the united state dude whose name was Robert F. Kennedy but people called him Bobby (what was dat?). Apparently someone disliked him when he voted won for becoming president and killed him in the kitchen scene filled with lots of people who tried to get his autograph. Looking at the movie, it was a teenager who killed him with a gun right in front of his face.

Basically, the movie was about a bunch of people who lived during the scene and around the area of Hotel Ambassador a.k.a where Bobby died. Anthony Hopkins played the manager of the hotel, Helen Hunt played the wife of some rich men I presume (I know the cast, he’s quiet popular, but I don’t know his name), Demi Moore played some drunk-ass-bitch popular singer who perform before the president show up at the party, Ashton Kutcher played some hippie drug addict who sold it at the hotel to that transformer guy and got caught up by police at the end of the movie, Elijah wood played a young 19 years old boy whose apparently scared that he has to go to Vietnam to serve the country so he asked his friend Lindsay Lohan to married him (married people still serve the country but to Germany and not Vietnam at the front line) and seemingly she kinda fell in love with him. Sharon Stone played a wife of Food and Beverage manager who cheated with Heather Graham who played information board lady… and other cast that I liked was that Mexican kitchen boy, he’s quiet cute, his smile was breathtaking! Oh.. and that morpheus dude played a head chef in the kitchen. That dude who played food and beverage supervisor who got fired was quiet famous too, but I don’t recall his name…

hmmm… all and all, this movie was filled with celebrity and that was its only main attraction I must say, even the poster couldn’t fit all the celebrity names. It was not a movie, it was a documenter film! I was so wrong picking this over ‘No Reservations’.. My bad…


I just download the famous Britney troubled performance at the VMA 2007, and I think it wasn’t that bad, she must’ve lost her move because the fact that she’s a bit overweight and using that super high heels. And media just smart enough to put her worst pictures from the performance on the magazines to create a hyperbole situations of her bikini-malfunction-flubby-belly. Her dance was still hot minus the stiff moves. But the one thing that I can’t resist to complain was the lip-synch! Ok, between the dance and the overweight thing I guess it’s ok to lip-synch (Chris brown and Justin Timberlake was totally lip-synch too), at least concerned enough to do it properly! Oh.. And the hair... the hair… her hairdresser should get fired indeed!

Lots of Love!

Pullip Contest

Dove
(the other one, but not the one we posted)

It all started when a friend saw a pullip-dolls contests on the internet… on no.. no no, it was all started when certain gal-pal, Robertino or should I call Lindsay Lohan (‘she’ loved it), having these craziness towards Blythe, Dal, and most recently Pullip. For information here, those name I said were all dolls (more like Bratz here) that produced in Japan (as I would like to think) and cost for unreasonable $100 each! And they also have collector items that worth up to $3000!! Lets not even mention the collector items, and still $100 for a 25cm tall doll is just a no-no, at least a no for me. Robert here, apparently is willing to spend extra money and have like eight of them (raise your hand, he called them his daughters, hallelujah!). And not to forget, all the accessories like a $30 wigs, $15 fake wings, all the fashion items, eye balls (oh yeah, just like us, they can change their eye color too!), even bigger boobies!!! Ka-Ching…

I’ve met them all, I cannot remember which one which, but I do remember Zi Yi (does.. not.. look like Zhang Zi Yi) and Dove (I have to admit, her wig is fabulous!). Started 3 weeks ago, he asked me to create fashion items for his ‘daughters’, that’s where I took Zi Yi home and created some couture (I love the term) for him. It does not end very well (bear in mind that I don’t know how to sew), the stitches all messed up. But I manage to cover it by using the same thread color, and of course saying that the theme for my couture line was ‘messy baby-doll’.

And so, he saw this pullip-photography contest on the Internet for the prize, of course, another pullip! He wanted to try, so he applied as one contestant, and asked me to help him during the entire photography take thorough the contest. He asked for my help all right, that beeyatch really pushed me over the edge, kept on asking for ideas on his 1st task (which the theme was set by the jury and it was ‘mirror’). Intended for doing the take on Sunday, I asked him to stay over on Saturday, so Sunday morning he will be ready to go to the scene. We went home a little bit late, around 2.30, and bewildered whether we should not sleep ‘til morning or sleep and wake early with alarms. We ended up brainstorming for ideas and took some sample take, probably until around 6, when we really felt sleepy and all. We slept! 7… 8… 9… 10… 11…! Quick shower and we went to the setting; it was not like what I wanted it to be (no water on the stone-cup, no waterfalls running, no nothing!). Settled on the sample-take-was-good-enough, we end up staying comfortably at free-day café and played with the wireless Internet while I enjoy my grape fruit something and Robert posted out photograph to the jury.

I just found out that the jury already received our Dove’s post and hoping we didn’t get eliminated! (Oh yes, btw, we use Dove as our model in the photograph)

Lots of Love!

graduation = exiting?

Tomorrow is 16th September 2007, known to me as my graduation day. Should I be excited? If I don’t, then maybe what I’m feeling right now is just right, for I am now not really thrill about tomorrow. Felt like tomorrow is just any other day, any other Sunday morning where I usually stayed home and wait for the rest of the family member home one by one. But no, tomorrow I have to wake earlier to attend the ceremony with both my parents, it’s as if I’m urged to go there and perhaps stand there with the other students. On the other hand, my mom, someone that already booked a salon to do her hair tomorrow morning, seems more excited than I am. She kept asking what time is the ceremony and what time does it end… well, perhaps she just wanted to confirm to her karaoke friends what time will she and my dad be arriving to attend the weekly karaoke routine after the ceremonial of her son’s graduation.

I guess paying for the ceremony was a mistake then, at least for me. Not for my mom whom apparently willing to pay anything so that her son will be wearing the graduation robe (known as Toga). Other than it’s not worth the money, it’s just another pretentious party whereas the university took credit of, and not to forget the money advantage. No wonder they keep building another tower and soon (as they planned) an educational city as they called it. Technically, I am now already an S.ds the minute I received the paper back then. Guess I should just assume tomorrow as another social party I have to attend, a party without any food and drinks! Man, that party is going to suck so bad!

I don’t even know what to wear tomorrow (under the ugly Toga they gave me). They put a bow tie in the package, I’m not gonna wear them that’s for sure! Instead, a slim black fashion tie should do it.

Lots of Love!

ma prérogative

I was on the way to megamal with both my nephews, Matthew and Nathan, to buy some peas for my mother. And I played ‘My Prerogative’ by Britney Spears. And suddenly on the reff, both Matthew and Nathan sang to the song!

‘Everybody’s talking all this stuff about me, why don’t they just let me live.. I don’t need permission, make my own decisions… Ow!.. That’s my prerogative…’

THEY are adorable! I smiled all the way there and home! I played the song over and over again! From then on, it’s a must when they’re in the car, we played that song! I know it’s not the first song they sang, but at least it’s the first adult song with nasty words they sang (should I be proud or pitied?) ah, anyway.. just like their uncle, they love Britney Spears!

We’re trying to get then to sang Umbrella by Rihanna, doesn’t work as good as My Prerogative. They only sang the ‘ella ella ella e e e’… they did sang the reff of ‘just like a pill’ by Pink too tho…

Beaucoup D’amour!

gimme more of britney...

Britney spears! O yeah, she’s back! With her new single ‘gimme more’ featuring Timbaland! Isn't that just kick-you-in-the-head-smack-you-in-the-crotch fantastic?

Think it’s going to be so freakin cool! O my my… She’s always the best, just hopin her comeback would be even sexier and different and all over the edge! I could just picture her next video! Her songs were always great.

Can't wait to hear her latest music! O gosh, I think I never been this excited since the cartoon of a genie that comes from the future was available on television! It’s up-tempo, I’m gonna love it! Actually, I’ve listened to a very little part of a song, and it was indeed sexy! Can’t wait for the whole song!

Lots of Love!

ps. just heard the song, turned out, it's not so fabulous :-(

in between

Algiers & Byblical


As it turned out, I don’t know where my relationship is going. Is there any right reason for telling your partner that you don't love them anymore? Or should I be left feeling guilty for breaking another heart? Or am I? Who knows, maybe at some point, this relationship we build is basically a failure from the start but none of us wanted to step up and end this. In that case, I’m not breaking any heart when we both knew this would not last and both wait for other party to be the bad guy.

Is that even possible? I hope so! It will be easier for me…

Again! Me! Why am I this selfish is beyond me!

The past few days, all I’m feeling was that I wanted to be single again. But one part of me did thought; good guy doesn't come around that twice. And I’m back to phase one. Guess there is such thing as good and evil in one person’s lives. Or maybe in me, Algiers and Byblical…

~Algiers~
Good person doesn't come around that often, you want to be sorry for the rest of your life? For, of course, you will be single for the rest of your days!

~Byblical~
Funny you should mention that, who’s going to be more sorry if turns out one day you cannot take this anymore and eventually you’ll end things. You will not only holding back his next love but think how deep his love for you by then, it will hurt him even more!

~Algiers~
You felt comfy around him, and that what’s matter! As a poet would say, love will grow! You don't want to be single forever right?

~Byblical~
Oh, yeah! Listen to the poetic mad-man! Comfy is what matter! Why don't you just say, oh, okay, I love his nail, so I want to marry him! My point is, yes you like him, you need him, but stop thinking everything is about you. Have you ever think this through his side?

He might be thinking, oh, everything’s going so well, nothing changes, but you’re having second thought. A week, two weeks, three weeks… surely you’re meeting up with new people and make friends. And he’s ok with that, you’re only making friends, or so he thought. One day, you meet another perfect candidate for you (or so you thought). And you just leave him like that? Take his position, and how would you feel?

Stop it you two! You both are the greatest, but not helping here! (fyi, that does not include a list of also ‘non-helping’ advices from friends)

The truth is, he’s a nice guy. Being with him is such fun! No, that’s fairly incorrect, we just don’t have the same connection, the chemistry, it felt like we’re forcing stuff to make stuff happen. Maybe partly that’s why I lost some feelings, no, to be harsh I never had the feelings. Basically, it’s like I’m trying on an outfit that I know didn’t go for the soiree and I tried it anyway, it still does not work. Yes, I’m a B.I.T.C.H!

He really is nice to me, it definitely outrun the fact that we didn't have the chemistry. But over time, it’s really a pain in the buttocks! I don't know if it’s because that he called too much or that I’m not a phone-guy, but I’ve been to the place where I rerun the question I asked him earlier… on the SAME phone call! The purpose of avoiding awkward has led me to awkwardness!

Well, I guess it’s true. I whine when I’m single and I whine when I got one! I really should attend some sort of mental classes just to figure out what do I really want in life! Obnoxious loser, me! I just have too many things to figure out in life. And this is the least problem from what I’m facing. To save some time, as Tyra Banks would say, I’ve reached my decision.

Lots of Love!

About Me ~Deux

Living for the past 20 years as the last-born child had me all irresponsible, negligent, immature, and careless. I’m not saying that I have experienced all that ups and downs in life as a 30 years old would, but my ups and downs that revolve just enough around my family, educational, relationship, and friends for the past 3 years, has taught me to be a little bit responsible, less careless and more mature as I am standing here now on my 23rd self. Here as well, I’m not saying that I have loosened the juvenile self I owned, I’m not proud of it but also I’m not disgusted by it. Once I remember a friend have told me that I am talented with all the creative I have made, am I now? She’s neither wrong nor right. Of course I would say I am talented, that is if I’m in a job that I love and that I do them well. Creative on the other hand, I would still say that I am one. I don't know if there’s any rank that one has to reach or a task that have to be fulfilled to settle a creative being, but in my understanding or to be accurate as I saw the creative level in the country I live now, It’s a definite mistakes for me to say I failed to perform. No, I’m not saying that I am better; I’m just as good. In life overall, I would say I am a three at this point of mine.

Obsessing for fashion would have me all tremble and squeaky if one day I’m this famous fashion designer. But with only the degree in Visual Communication, I’d say I doubt it. I can't wait if someday I will be able to meet world famous Designers that has made this world is what it is now; a world where people turn every business opportunity to a fashion manifestation! Ask them how they transform old tulle to a fabulous couture! And perhaps steal the opportunity to be made their assistant (I would be so honored!)

If there is anything better than fashion for me, it’s to be a photographer. This may be more in sense than the fashion thing since I have some study regarding photography, but silly me still hoping in pursuing fashion. Picture really is indeed reflect thousands of words, the more did art photography.

Even though sometimes I did pictures to speak my mind, often I just speak my mind! I am a man of words (not a man of his words, no, I can’t keep up with promises). You might say I talk faster than I think. I’m this selfish ego that may run this city packed with people into oblivion. It’s not likely me to be considerate of other people feelings. But I do know my real friends and of course, we talk feelings to feelings mad like hell. I can separate the fake ones and filtered which one which. With so many fake people in the city, no wonder how so little friends I’ve got. The truth is, I have nothing oppose to the fake person thing, let’s face it, I’ve been fake some of the time and we needed that just like we needed Body Shop daily-musk to survive in this social world, but the ‘too fake’ one that bothered me (I bothered a lot of people too, but hell, this could go round and round!). Some have argued if I worth to be friends with. I can’t really blame them to even reconsider being my friend. I’m not going to force one person, as I am insanely not pleased to be forced-friend with someone I don't like.

One has said, I often contradict myself. So, yes I may have state myself in apparent ways above. Don’t really count to it if someday you really meet me and see that I’m this whole other person you didn’t see anywhere in the text above. I am that contradictive.

Til then, ciao…

Double-a-bed

I’ve just read this article concerning a sleeping behavior between two individual who share their bed. And there it said that National Sleep Foundation, a non-profit group in Washington, proximate that 61% Americans sleep with the person they loved. Even though the presence of other may have increase the sleeping disorders, 62% people that have been surveyed choose to still sleep with their companion.

I’m sure Americans have their own way, or maybe our way is just not as different as theirs. But to me personally, sleeping together, had me awaken all night long (maybe it had something to do with the fact that I own a single-bed, how vacant a single-bed could be with two grown-ups?), it really disturbed me physically with the hugging (don't get me wrong, I’m a big hugger! But sometimes, plus the air-con, it’s still hot!) and small space that kept us bumped to each other.

Even though I could manage the hugging and the bumping by purchasing a bigger bed, still, sharing a bed is tough (at least for me). From the temperature of the air-con when one party felt cold and the other as hot as hell, to the ritual of TV before bed. Or maybe about the tidiness and location of the bed (couples fight over these things!). Dinner or breakfast on bed? One of the most arguable conditions other than sleeping naked. Some even fought about the alarms and letting pets into bed.

I agreed with Paul C. Rosenblatt that every couple has to manage many problems so that the system could work. Stuff about how to make the bed, laying on the bed, bed-behavior, sleep and awake. Calling specific, which side of bed are you, watching news before lights off, how often you go to toilet, music volume, snoring, insomnia and bla bla bla. And of course, the signal whether they crave for attention, want to talk or just need to be alone. And as time goes by, problems evolve. It gets bigger, life full of it!

Often we manage to overlook this minor stuff when perhaps it’s the minor stuff that has led us all to fight over fights, broken heart, even failed marriage…

Ok, for a simple sleepover, that’s just too much!

Lots of Love!

Independence Day

People who read my blog (and of course keep posted with my love life) will recognize the pattern of me a propos to my habit in writing. Whenever I’m in sort of relationship, I become an infrequent blogger. My last blog was like last month and it ended there just at the beginning of my new ‘association’.

I just got back from an annual Independence Day bazaar around my neighborhood. It took place at block 4 (while I’m residing at block 7, just a step away). I arrive there just late enough to still able to watch the main attraction I’ve always wanted to see (but like never), the famous ‘panjat pinang’. There was a bunch of half-naked guy, covered in some sort of oil and then there’s a 10 meters horizontal pipe, which also covered in oil and a bunch of prize including the ‘flag’ on the tip of the pipe. The whole point is for them, shoulder to shoulder, climb onto the end of the pipe to catch the flag that worth millions Rupiah (and counting as time goes by). And of course the catch is that oil that’s so slippery and to make it a lot harder there’s a maximum person per pipe (5 max). Finally, after 15 times of trying (since I arrived there), they got the flag (and of course not to overlook, all the other prize). The flag worth 3,5 mil plus 500k the time they reach it. The funny thing was, the second they reach the flag; all the audience started to went their separate ways and in one half minute, the courtyard was empty. In the middle of the attraction, I spare me some time to buy a burger from a guy with bicycle cart. Just like the old days when I was on elementary school having the same burger in front of the schoolyard (tho, recent style was added to the burger, the meat is now covered with egg).

The hour was 5.21 pm when we decided it was not fun anymore. So we went to Hot Station (my sis craved for the ‘roti kosong’). She ordered it and the kids happened to order dinner there (I thought we only went there for half an hour just to enjoy the roti kosong, turned out we have our dinner there). The dinner only took us one hour for the place was haunted with mosquitoes, DEAD AND ALIVE! Fortunately for the mosquitoes, I use short pants, their dinner was served fresh with a little bit of sweet flavored from the sirap mutiara I drank.

Went home with all the hot sweat and dirt from outside the courtyard drove me insanely desiring for a cold bath and clean my asses off, almost literally speaking.

And here I am now, laying on my bed, having a melancholic moment alone with Michael Buble rhyming L.O.V.E through my ear and out the other. Tomorrow is weekend, me and babe planning on having our dinner at Zenbu and watching Ratatouille at I don't know where (we just decide it tomorrow). Ahh… Okonomiyaki.. here I come! But, I suppose tomorrow, from 9 to 4, I have to company my bro-in-law to his shop because my sis got to pick up one relative from the airport. Think we’re gonna have our dinner at 7. See you tomorrow babe! Til then.. Ciao!

Lots of Love!

ah.. yes, these couple of days, due to i don't know what! my back hurt really bad! i can't bend my self to pick up things from the floor or my back hurt, i cant sit too comfortable or my back hurt, i can't nod too hard or my neck will hurt! it's a pain! so, just 2 days ago, my mother ask a masseur to come to our house and see what's up with me? she come to conclusion that my lower part vein is all stretched and pointed to my back. so she did her thing, and voila, all the vein back to their places. tho it still hurt, but i think it's getting better (still, it's a pain now to sleep in any crazy position i love! i have to sleep like the dead!)

again.. Lots of Love!

Edgy hair, people?

I’ve done something with my hair like last week. I thought it would give me a little side of edgy. But sadly, I can’t pull it off! I look like that guy from Sony-Ericsson’s latest TV Commercial with the hair when on the sunset having this reminiscent of a coconut tree (profile look). Please let me visualize my malfunction style to you… my hair is a little bit longer than a spikey one, and I happen to cut all my side hair to baldness. Shortly, picture a pineapple… yes, that’s me! I’m so happy! Ewww!

I asked my sis, how do I look? She didn’t say a thing; she made her you-are-ugly-and-disgusting face. I went downstairs to play with my nephew on my dad’s room. My mum said “what were you thinking?!” and my dad yell “GO OUT!”, he hates my hair so bad he hates me! And when I met a friend, she just said “new haircut? It’s good. Ehehehe…” with guilt all over her face (guilty of lying I suppose). And another friend said “you are sooo not looking hot right now!” and I’m feeling less confident the whole night at Oh La La! (Damn you Robert!)

Families and friends… sometimes they could be your greatest allies but sometimes they’re just your worst enemies. After a couple of days after the ‘chopping’ day. Walking in the mall and becoming the center of all attention has led all my sisters forced me to always wear my hat until it grows. I knew they were sort of pulling their jokes by saying ‘don’t you dare walking near me with your extravagant hair style’, but I’m still feeling a lil’ bit left out (not that they never ask me to go out ever). But they are so right, all attention on me. Once I busted a middle-age lady who’s looking at me til her head turn 180 degrees! (I think she bump her fore head). And the only defense I can pull to my sisters was ‘the point of cutting my hair like it is now was because I’m in need of all the attention right? Just remember that I’m one of those attention-seeker’

I’m not saying that there’s no positive attitude regarding my excessive hairstyle. Like maybe one of my maid said it’s good? (aihh..! can you smell my desperation?) or recently a friend’s giving out ‘compliment’, tho after I forced him the question ‘compliment or criticism?’ hmm.. Maybe just that two! (I really should grow my hair rite?!)

People… IT WILL GROW!

Lots of Love!

4 days substitute

Me n Tanti! hanging out.. aihhh.. dose were the days

24.07.07

Today is the first out of three days I substitute my sister to company her husband in his shop. It’s a pain in the ass. But, as long as I got my ciggy and mac, I’m good to go.

Or so I thought…

There’s pretty much nothing to do here except making receipt and watching the buyer goes by… other than that, I can just wait for my dearest to call on his lunchtime. Ow… Have I told you that I’m committed? ;-)

It’s pretty soon I guess… but it just felt right. So, just last Saturday we met at my favorite meeting point, Hot Station (after a week of voice calls, um… not even a week). And I just realized something… That was my first real-real date! It stroked me like a lighting bolt; I didn’t know what to wear! Never before I didn’t know what to wear! It’s like an old saying: a closet full of clothes and nothing to wear! After 2 hours, I came to my senses and go casual never goes wrong. So I use my sport shirt with black tank top. I looked like just got out of the gym! What was I thinking?! But it didn’t go anywhere wrong. What actually happened was, I charmed him. ;-) And so, he stayed at my place, and you know where it was heading. He came the next day and the day after. Aihh… I knew it was just a cliché behavior of newly committed couples, but it was amazing so what the hell! And tonight, he’s planning on taking me to my favorite dinner, Pizza!

26.07.07

I think it was the pizza that I gain 3 KILOS! Aihhh…! So depressing! At the shop, 3 days down, and one to go! I’m not hoping Saturday I’m still here. Babe is now out of town having his work done. Left my lips to dry ;-) he’ll be back tomorrow tho’, so here I am being patient. Cannot be too selfish to have the whole in him. ☺ The thing I liked about babe is that he’s not promising anything, he’s not full of words, tho once he said that he could tolerate my anger problem. We’ll just see. ;-)

I don't deny the fact I’m in a relationship so soon because I felt lonely. On my defense, I think everyone who got into relationship; they were lonely in the first place (otherwise why would they step into something called ‘we’?). Anyway, it’s nice to have someone who message and call just to ask me how I’m doing… just a simple message shows that he cares… and my babe… delivered it! mwah2! ;-) And again… I’m sure it’s just the new-couples euphoria… Ah, I’m being pessimist.

I Love My Shoes!

It’s true! I have not so many pairs, but I love them all, tho I admitted I have one favorite pair. I don't go out a lot, if all my shoes have feelings, they will sort of having negative sentiment toward my white sneaker. Every time I’m in the mood using shoes (I use sandals mostly, but we’re talkin’ shoes here) I always go for the white sneaker. It looked so good with the gold lining. Sadly it’s a suede! I’m having a hard time maintaining. Even though most of the time it’s killing one toe at a time and in spite of all that dirt that wont come off from the suede, I still uses it.

Recently, one occasion got me thinking… why did I buy all that shoes if I didn’t even having desires wearing it? Hell, I just bought a virgin cowboy boots that never even touch the asphalt.

So, just last week, when a friend asked me to have a ‘hunting’ time at Oh La La, I had to take the boots out for a little ride. Won't be fair for it cause it’s been weeks since the first time I bought it. Still… it killed one toe at a time!

Seems like all my shoes having this harmful thoughts for my toes!

I remember once, 5 years ago, I bought this blue puma for 50% off. And as usual, I picked it for the reason of its look (I never really care if it’s comfy or not as long as it’s fashionable). Turns out, it was the comfiest shoes I have ever had!! I used it all the time. Days and nights, formal or informal, every occasion. As time goes by, the fiber lining started to peel, until finally it’s all stripped. But I still used it. It was 2006 when a friend feels sorry for me and asked me if I wanted him to buy me a shoe. But I have always said to him that I like the shoe and asked him just think of it as a vintage shoe. After a couple of complains from other friends, I thought that was my cue to let it go and retired it. Tho until now, I still keep the shoe.

As I wonder through my old shoes I had, I seldom use them! Even one or two shoes that I never use. I happen top found my gray bulky sneaker, green slim, white/green A, white kappa, black layer, and some others. And just yesterday, for my very first real date, I use an old shoe that used to be one of my favorites, a 78 Converse red/blue. Yes, it was killing me the whole night, but the shoe still was fabulous (was worth it).

Aside from all that I-love-my-shoes, once I ‘Killed’ my lower-leg-high blue Converse. I bought it because it had a very bright blue color and the inside was silver. I’m very much in love with that shoe. But then, they told me there’s no size for me, and they told me to go look in other branches. After couples of malls I went through, still no size for me. I forced the number 42 and bought it. Sure it’s too small, but what the heck! I only used it once to one huge mall and never use it ever since. It HURT so bad, not only it hurt my toes; it started to peel my skin. So I cut the higher length and put it in a box and never open it since 2006.

I still love my shoes even tho they hurt me regularly.

Lots of Love!

Nonetity ~ Part Uno

I wanted to scream out loud… nobody listen. I’m here, I’m alive, I’m moving… nobody notice. So here I am, in this book, seeking pathetically for attention. You don’t know me, but you can think of me as the nerd boy in school people liked to play with. Or weird man next door who you never see walking out but you know he’s there because you always listen him moaning through your bedroom wall. Nobody knows who I am; I’m the living dead for some people. People knew I exist like they knew seat belts exist, they knew it’s there they just don’t give a damn. What’s important to me became unimportant and what’s unimportant became important. I don’t know what I want because I knew what I want always end up in no result.

In a room I’m staying now, they’re dirty. I didn’t have anything to do yet I thought I’m too busy to clean the room. The wall painted in white color yet the room seems dark. A pile of naked pillows at the end of my bed just laying there with no intentions by me to cover it up with cases. A white ladder I made for design-sake is now standing on the other side of the wall, covered thick with dust. And above it, a green mirror hanged on the wall had a red spot, which I made-believed was my own blood. I rest my self on the bed, wishing I’d wake up in far more beautiful world than mine’s now so far.

I’m awake. It’s dark. It’s 04.59… am. A minute before five. Everybody knows it. But the question’s still remain to be answer; am I exist? I knew I lived with my family. I had my parents, my three sisters, my two nephews, my brother in-law, and two maids. They must’ve noticed me. So I come down to find out. It’s dark. Of course it is. I notice my watch point at 05.03 am. I just grab mineral water and back upstairs to my room. I lock it. I notice something’s missing, but I don’t know what it is, and I don’t let it bother me either. I sleep.

If forgot to turn off my daily alarm. It’s eight in the morning. The sun’s coming through my paper-covered window. It’s awfully a bright morning. Then I realize… I didn’t hear any sound whatsoever coming from outside. It’s weird on Thursday morning. It’s just not the usual. Not even that annoying dog that usually barked all morning. I open the lock. I knock my 3rd sister’s, Sheena, door. No answer. She must’ve already gone to work. She works for a local University as Geology teacher. Her students are all on their midterms. And it made busy-weeks for her. Gone early and home late were her daily routine for the last couple of days. My 2nd sister, Danni, I presume already went downstairs for breakfast. She works for my father now that he just wanted to relax and stay home with his grandsons. My father works in bread industry for the last 30 years of his lives and he’s now leaving it to his son and daughter, that made my brother, Tony, and Danni works together as a team. I never thought it will works though, since me and all my sisters was not very close or to be harsh… hate him. But, so far, they went along just fine. I say because they were separated from each other. Bread is very ‘hot’ right now, the demand charts is far passed the line. It’s also creating a hectic on the market. So, when I see Danni’s not in the kitchen having breakfast, I’m not that surprise. I didn't see the maids either. I presume Bie and Nue went to the market to buy some vegetables I told them yesterday. Daisy, my 1st sister, and William, her husband, usually gone to work with Danni in the morning. I never thought they would go that early considering the lazy habit of Daisy. Daisy and her husband opened a new café not far from Danni’s pastries. The café have some potential as I saw it, and both Daisy and William worked so hard to make it possible. I had to give them credit for their willingness to have a life, as I am here willing-less to make my own. It’s 8.21 am. The kids already went for their elementary class. No one’s down stairs, I look at my father and my mother’s room. Seems empty. It’s dark inside. I go out. That dog’s not on his cage. It’s empty. Where’s that dog? I liked him that’s true, but I can’t stand the noises he made. It’s just annoying. Somehow, I’m just glad he’s not here today. There, next to the car, I see a newspaper. I took it. As I wonder my eyes around the neighborhoods…

I drop my jaws…

Dad

He’s the one person who thought that his answer was the only answer there was. And marvelously he still is! Lately, regarding the term of ‘broken karaoke utilities’ and to upgrade some more utilities, he became close friends with Harco Glodok in the city. And looking that I’m at home and do literally nothing, he expect me to company him just in case there’s no parking lot available and ask me to find one while I drop him elegantly in front of the lobby.

Yes, just this afternoon, I company him there (I want to be a good little son for once, or was it, I have something in mind that I wanted from him? Hmm..) Apparently he wanted to add another BMB speaker, but we went home with a Cerwin Vega.

A relationship between him and me was very stiff and still is. There was nothing to talk in the car besides some asshole motorcycle that always got in the way or something that he knows best, his self-proclaimed superior voice. Other than that, we only listen to him singing some Chinese songs recorded in a tape (whenever I had enough, I turn on my mp3).

How can I talk to someone who always thinks his answers is the only that’s right? Whenever I speak my mind, and he disagrees, he called me stupid and continues his mumbling. I can’t tell how many times he called me or other fellows in the house stupid/moron/idiot in a day, maybe more than I said ‘stupid’ in a month! I really tried my ass off to make this relationship between him and me a little more ‘hobble’.

So when we drove off to Glodok this afternoon, and he talked something, I had to gave some feedback that I thought to him was the right one, just so he doesn’t call me stupid. Turned out, it was very tiring when you have to think of the right answer before you talk (although sometimes I know it’s crucial). Since I’m not him (and I never knew his way of thinking), I still got the ‘stupid’ word from him. Not that I blame him tho, I think maybe that word already naturally slipped out from his mouth whenever he heard something he oppose. So, to sum up, him and me, still stiff. Yap!

Ow, last nite, when I wanted to refill my printer, on the way home my nephew, Matthew, decided that he’s not Jacky Chan anymore. And when we asked him why, he said that Jacky Chan is not handsome anymore (like he ever was!). so, he wanted us to called him ‘Manny’. We still don’t know who Manny is, but we do know that to Matthew, Manny is the new character he and his friend Wilhan made. I just hoped that Manny is not his and his friend’s imaginary friend!

The 4th of July already passed, and I still waiting for the result! Apparently they delay the result for some reason I didn't even know. I’m just happy that I called my friend first, so I didn’t have to go there and face the blank result board! They’re just playing with my nerve here! I was informed that the result come out on 6th or 9th July. So till then, don't shock me with other news please!

Lots of Love!

Drama queen / Attention-Seeker

These couple of days I’m depressed for something that to me was childish. It was started when I failed to perform well on my last presentation for my final project. Every question I choked. I touched the point where I was sweating in a room with 2 air-con. They come to conclusion that my design was so-not-Ivan-Gunawan, that my design was too plain, not glamorous, it was a no-no!

Ironically, that day, even my horoscope was turning his back on me and said (as I quote):

“Following your hunches has led you to some interesting and educational places in the past, but it won't lead you anywhere good today. So act with caution at every turn. Don't get involved with something you're unsure of, no matter how good it looks at first glance. You need to fully understand whatever you're dealing with -- take as much time as necessary to do your research. Being impatient won't get you anywhere except in deep trouble!”

Beats me in the head with it!

After the ‘dreadful’ presentation of mine, I drag my dispirited ass to the mall nearby just to cheer myself a bit before I have to back to the Uni to collect all the display. Then come messages asking “how’d it go?” “you nailed it, huh?”,”where should we celebrate? It’s your birthday too anyway!”

“it doesn’t went really well, but I think right now I can just wait and see the result later on 4th July.” Full stop!

I guess that line should’ve been my response…

Instead…

“I’m so stressed! Help me out please! I don’t know what to do! I’m Fucked up! I am a failure! I don't know what to do! What should I do?”…

Looking back, I AM one attention-seeker drama queen! Always hoping that people would call me and say nice things to me, calm my already-calmed nerve, cheer me up, and stuff that made me think that I’m the first priority on peoples head. I exaggerated the situation for the hope of peoples concern… pity me!

There’s still so much I have to do to deal with my non-sociable personality. And for my friends out there, I know I haven’t been the perfect ally, but hey… please don't expect me to change too much, I’m too self-centered for that! LOL… if you think that some little personality I have to change to socialize (like that drama queen thingy), you know I will (hell, I could use a friend!) but if you really really hate my personality and expect me to change it all, you know there’s a lot of people out there who wants to make friends with you, ditch me-don’t include me to your allies!

It has been 3 days (as my friend informed) since I answered phone-calls. That was a stupid act of mine! I regret it now! What if someone’s important called me and didn't leave message at all? As I looked the missed-calls list, there’s plenty of number I didn't recognize (few which I knew, come from Muara Karang-Pluit area), what about the others? Could be the employer who probably now already got the substitute… or someone hot somehow keep my number and tried calling me but since I didn’t answer he’s now happily committed with someone else… or could be my sisters calling from someone else mobile and needed urgent help (but since she’s ok now, ah well)… the point is, for someone who couldn’t live without his cell like me, it’s stupid not to answer your mobile (that is if you didn’t have any voice mail, ahh… like people here’s going to leave voice messages even though you did have it)

4th of July, please be good to me!

Lots of Love!

antara bangga dan tidak

Saya mungkin bukan seseorang yang bisa menghakimi apa yang sekarang ini (atau mungkin sudah dari dulu) terjadi terhadap Indonesia, lagipula, saya hanyalah seorang mahasiswa tingkat akhir berumur 23 tahun yang sedang mengajukan topik tugas akhir yang nyatanya tidak memenuhi kehendak sang dosen (tapi apa boleh buat, saya hanya mengulang tugas akhir yang sebelumnya saya dinyatakan tidak lulus karena absen menghadiri hari sidang).

Saya selalu berpendapat bahwa Indonesia (yang sudah dinilai oleh dunia sebagai Negara ke-3, atau nama yang lebih dikenal “Third world country”) adalah Negara yang ‘pemalas’, ‘konsumsi yang berlebih’, ‘korupsi’, ‘apalah yang jelek-jelek’… atau bisa saja saya hanya bersikap pesimis terhadap Negara yang saya tinggali ini, tidak tanpa usaha, saya sudah mencoba segala cara untuk melihat sisi positif dan bersikap optimis, kosong, saya benar-benar kosong… tidak ada yang bisa saya lihat sisi positifnya (ada memang, seperti hasil alam Indonesia yang berlimpah, tapi kemudian saya berpikir lagi, hasilnya kemana? Saya tidak terlalu mengikuti politik yang berbelit-belit yang lebih banyak ditutupi), yang terlintar di benak saya hanyalah segi negatif dari Indonesia.

Saya memang tidak bisa dijadikan contoh sebagai ‘pencinta negara’, secara sehari-hari bahasa yang saya gunakan bercampur 70 % bahasa inggris (untuk juga bisa berbicara kepada keponakan saya yang dengan ultimatumnya TIDAK mau berbicara bahasa Indonesia dengan alasan ‘jelek’), sisanya 30% hanya saya gunakan dalam pergaulan sehari-hari dengan orang tua dan teman-teman. Menurut saya bahasa inggris sudah terlalu umum digunakan, seharusnya memang saya memiliki bahasa lain yang agak berbeda seperti Perancis atau Mandarin, tapi apa boleh buat lagi, mempelajari bahasa pada umur 23 tahun memang agak susah.

Selain itu, saya juga selalu beranggapan barang apa saja asal impor, memiliki kualitas yang lebih baik dibandingkan Indonesia (bahkan dari Negara Thailand sekalipun). Barang hasil produksi Indonesia yang saya miliki di kamar saya hanyalah furniture yang memang saya beli dengan alasan ‘harga’, selain itu, mungkin beberapa pakaian yang hanya saya gunakan di bawah atap rumah ini.

Salah satu segi negatif kecil yang sudah saya sadari sejak smp (mungkin) adalah penggunaan bahasa Indonesia yang (mungkin lagi, saya tidak bisa terlalu pasti; saya jarang membaca buku) hanya mengganti beberapa huruf dan jadilah bahasa Indonesia. Pemalas, seperti yang saya sebutkan sebelumnya, malas membuat kata baru dan hanya meniru. Seperti contohnya ‘toilet/wc’ tetap saja toh bahasa Indonesianya ‘toilet/wc’, ‘sex’ menjadi ‘seks’, ‘penis’ tetap saja ‘penis’, ‘public’ menjadi ‘publik’, ‘fashion’ pengucapan sama penulisan berbeda ‘fesyen’, ‘name’ menjadi ‘nama’, dan banyak lagi (tidak akan saya jabarkan disini, saya bukan kamus). Ada lagi dalam bahasa Indonesia yang bisa saya kategorikan dalam ‘pemalas’, artinya berbeda, pengucapannya berbeda, penulisan sama! Contohnya ‘apel’ buah dan ‘apel’ dalam artian mengunjungi pacar, dan ‘tahu’ makanan dengan ‘tahu’ mengetahui/mengerti, dan mungkin masih banyak, tetapi, harap maklum, nilai bahasa Indonesia saya tidak terlalu menakjubkan semasa smp/sma.

Tetapi masalah bahasa, mungkin memang beberapa Negara merasa hal tersebut terlalu memakan waktu jika harus membuat kata baru, oleh karena itu mereka hanya menjiplak saja apa yang ada dan kemudian mengganti beberapa huruf, seperti ‘toilet’ dan ‘toilette’, ‘one, two, three’ dan seperti lagunya ricky martin ‘uno, dos, tres’, ‘luminous’ dan ‘lumierre’ dan lain lainnya (sekali lagi saya bukan ahli bahasa).

Yang saya kagumi adalah bangsa Cina, yang (menurut sejarah) merupakan bangsa yang pertama kali membuat huruf dan kemudian mencetaknya. Hurufnya pun berbeda-beda dan memiliki suku kata yang beragam dan (menurut teman saya) banyak sekali. Jepang dan Korea juga unik, tapi antara mereka berdua (yang memang rival sejati) pengucapannya agak mirip (dan kemudian bangsa Korea merubah bahasanya menjadi bahasa Korea modern yang sering kita dengar di film-film yang mengharu-biru khas Korea). Antara Korea jaman dahulu dan jepang mungkin saya tidak tahu siapa yang meniru siapa, tapi kemiripan huruf kanji Jepang dengan pinyin Cina, sudah jelas bangsa Cina yang memulainya (menurut beberapa Encarta).

Dalam hal bahasa juga dalam segala hal, Cina memang yang terbaik, bahkan dalam hal ‘pemalsuan’, produk yang dihasilkan benar-benar berkualitas. Label-label terkenal dari eropa, Perancis, Milan, New York, dan lain-lain, tetap saja ‘made in china’. Lihat saja Versace untuk second line-nya Jeans Couture dan Sport, semuanya made in china (mungkin untuk 1st line-nya ‘Gianni Versace’ made in Europe). Produk aslinya saja made in china, apalagi yang palsunya! Hampir semua tas tas bermerek ‘mangga dua’ dihasilkan oleh Negara itu (paling tidak semua yang memiliki embel-embel kelas 1), kualitas 99,99% seperti aslinya, kadang mungkin hanya berbeda baunya saja, yang satu memiliki bau parfum dari pegawai toko di Plaza Indonesia yang menggunakan seragam, satunya lagi bau nci-nci penjual tas palsu di mangga dua.

Setelah mengolok-olok Indonesia, saya tidak menjadi sedih karena tinggal di Negara ini. Indonesia-lah tempat saya lahir (apa boleh buat), pikiran tentang meninggalkan Indonesia dan merantau ke Negara-negara lain sempat terbesit dulu (bukannya terbesit lagi, sudah menggebu-gebu), tetapi karena hal finansial, jatuh-jatuhnya juga di Universitas Tarumanagara dengan jurusan Komunikasi Visual. Saya tidak menyesal (menyesalpun percuma), saya bisa bertemu dengan teman saya yang sangat dekat dan sangat mengenal saya, menikmati pergaulan ‘sesama’ di lingkup nasional, bisa mengenal dan mengetahui berbagai lapisan status sosial (dari yang makan indomie tiap malem, sampai ibu-ibu pejabat yang tiap hari harus memiliki sebuah tas keluaran desainer mancanegara). Selain itu semua, sering terdengar hal-hal seperti ‘home sick’ dan lain-lain dari mulut kakak-kakak saya (yang memang mengambil Uni di luar), pergaulan disana memang bebas, malah terlalu bebas, sehingga pelajaran banyak yang tertinggal, dan merembet ke hal-hal lainnya. Jadi saya tidak menyesal, di kekang oleh orang tua saya, toh sekarang mereka sudah mengerti dan tidak terlalu mengekang, mungkin masa remaja saya (pesta-pesta dan lainnya) sudah terlambat dibandingkan remaja lainnya yang pada umur 16 tahun saja sudah bisa pulang jam 4 pagi! Tetapi saya selalu mengganggap masa pesta-pesta memang seharusnya dimulai pada umur saya (23 tahun), agar jadinya kelak tidak terlalu liar dan dapat menahan diri (siapa saja yang beranggapan anak umur 16 tahun bisa menahan diri, tolong, hubungi saya!)

Lots of Love! (saya tidak bisa mengubah ini, ‘banyak cinta’ terdengar aneh!)

Ummm... Enak!

It’s been a week since my brother arrived here in Jakarta from my hometown Bangka. And until now, he has this sort of fever that just wont go away, even after drank some Chinese medicine that proved best to cure the family! He already went to some doctors, hospitals, and just wont work.

Just this morning, his wife (my sister in-law) arrived Jakarta to attend her best friend wedding. And when she’s been told that her husband still got the fever. She went with this story…

Once upon a time, in Bangka, both of them went to this beach restaurant, which gave them a creepy ambiance. And while eating, my brother wont stop saying “ah.. enak.. enak!” even after his wife told him to stop saying it. Apparently, Chinese myth have told that while you’re eating, don’t ever said the word, coz according to them, when u said it, creepy creatures like ghosts and stuff heard you and took what you’re eating and always following you wherever you go. That’s actually make sense in the most non-sense there is, because now, all the food tasted like nothing to him. (Even writing this gives me the creeps)

Believing that story’s make sense, my mum having this thought of sending my brother back to where he said the word (the creepy beach) and apologize to whatever things over there. Or maybe for less-work, my mum offered him to drink ‘phu’ (some sort of water mixed with burnt sacred paper)

At my dad’s b’day party a few days ago, when I said “enak” while eating, my grams told me to shut it! I felt that was silly, I turn a joke to her and said “mm.. yummy”. Now I know the reason why she’d always warn us not to say those things while we’re eating back then. Well, she always believed those supernatural things like how you can’t stack your dishes on the dining table, or you have to eat your food in the dining table, or you can’t sleep with your feet directly point the door.

I don’t believe those things, but it doesn’t hurt to follow, it gives my grams and mum the peace of mind, why not do it for they’re sakes? I love them; I’ve always loved them! Grams, sorry for all the jokes.. mwah2

Lots of Love!

Last nites anecdote

Fantastic four, I say it’s a good movie! It doesn't make me bored and left the theater (you know, bearing in mind the megablitz chair is uncomfy). But oh, the casts! CHRIS EVANS! One good-looken boi! And also the Silver Surfer, I say that’s totally my type! That lips, that eyes, that BODEHH! Dude, marry me! Nahh… take my ass! And all I talked about last nite was that silver surfer and not the torch. Yes, the torch might be fun, but he’s a total boi (I need a man!) yeaa, keep dreamin’ as I told myself. I can't say Mr. Invisible’s not hot; he’s okay, just not my kinda man. I almost hugged that silver surfer statue they display as POP at megablitz, but social manner had taught me a lot of things. So I thrust my crave to cup his bulge between his crotch and not even taking pictures beside his bulky muscly hot silver bodeh!

We took our 5 years old nephews to watched midnight movies with us (which started at 12 and end at 2). And on the way there last nite, he said “don’t call me matthew again ok? My name is Jacky Jan”

And then the conversation:

“who is jacky Jan?”

“the one who fight all the time”

“Jacky Chan?!”

“no, my friend Wilhan said his name is Jacky Jan”

“no, matthew, his name is Jacky Chan!”

“don’t say that! His name is Jacky Jan”

“don't listen to your friend, he’s a little boy, listen to us, we’re all grown ups! His name is Jacky Chan! Why do you want to be him anyway?”

“because he’s handsome”

“what?!?! Jacky chan is not handsome! Maybe Jacky Cheung?”

“jacky jan!!”

“whatever! Next time, why don't you tell your friend Wilhan you want to be Superman! At least he’s strong and world can tell that he’s far more handsome than your friend's so-called Jacky jan”

“oh, yeah, maybe I can be Superman”

oh, please matthew, if you are big enough, I’ll tell you, just be your FREAKIN’ self! All the teachers said that you’re the most handsome kid in the class anyway! (gotta have something to do with his uncle’s cuteness! Wakakakkaka)

Lots of love!

sushi sided with green tea?

It’s been two days I have…

Homemade sushi as my breakfast, lunch, and dinner
And green-tea as an always beverage

And not only me, the whole family ate them too! Thanks to my sister who knows how to make an advance sushi, I enjoyed them as much as I enjoyed them on some Japanese resto. I’m not actually a big fan of sushi or sashimi, but since they didn't cooked any other meals, what else could a little sistah do? Good enough they thought of me while making sushi and make a lot more. There were two types of fillings for the sushi, salmon with cucumber and salmon with egg. Yesterday, since the salmon at the hyper mart was not that fresh, my sis changed them into (I kinda forgot the name of the fish, but they have the ‘king’ in it), tho it’s not salmon, but still was nice! Even just ate them this morning. And for the kids, considering they’re still 3 and 5, the fillings were only eggs.

Ahh… a very tasty and fresh green-tea packed by Nutripack was and still is BOGOF! No wonder how we only have them for beverages! Like 2 days ago, we bought 24 of them and we got 48! And this morning, as I dragged my lazy ass down to drank something fresh, I was astonished to find it was all gone! 48 boxed green-tea drank in less than 2 days?! And the effect was, all the bin around the house, filled with green boxes and straws pinned into them. Even some of my ‘lazy-ass’ sistah indolent enough to left all the empty boxes on tables. I can even spot one behind the balcony door right now!!

I think I have had enough with all the sushi and sashimi, but for the green tea, it was oh-so-nice, never had enough of them!!

Tho, my mum said she’s gonna make more sushi today (with left over from yesterdays)… ahh another sushi, ewwww…. wonder if she could really make them??? I have requested to my sistah, instead of sushi, maybe tomorrow we could have some Onigiri! Think I just had a tiny orgasm thinking about it!! Aaa…..

Lots of sushi!