I wanted to scream out loud… nobody listen. I’m here, I’m alive, I’m moving… nobody notice. So here I am, in this book, seeking pathetically for attention. You don’t know me, but you can think of me as the nerd boy in school people liked to play with. Or weird man next door who you never see walking out but you know he’s there because you always listen him moaning through your bedroom wall. Nobody knows who I am; I’m the living dead for some people. People knew I exist like they knew seat belts exist, they knew it’s there they just don’t give a damn. What’s important to me became unimportant and what’s unimportant became important. I don’t know what I want because I knew what I want always end up in no result.
In a room I’m staying now, they’re dirty. I didn’t have anything to do yet I thought I’m too busy to clean the room. The wall painted in white color yet the room seems dark. A pile of naked pillows at the end of my bed just laying there with no intentions by me to cover it up with cases. A white ladder I made for design-sake is now standing on the other side of the wall, covered thick with dust. And above it, a green mirror hanged on the wall had a red spot, which I made-believed was my own blood. I rest my self on the bed, wishing I’d wake up in far more beautiful world than mine’s now so far.
I’m awake. It’s dark. It’s 04.59… am. A minute before five. Everybody knows it. But the question’s still remain to be answer; am I exist? I knew I lived with my family. I had my parents, my three sisters, my two nephews, my brother in-law, and two maids. They must’ve noticed me. So I come down to find out. It’s dark. Of course it is. I notice my watch point at 05.03 am. I just grab mineral water and back upstairs to my room. I lock it. I notice something’s missing, but I don’t know what it is, and I don’t let it bother me either. I sleep.
If forgot to turn off my daily alarm. It’s eight in the morning. The sun’s coming through my paper-covered window. It’s awfully a bright morning. Then I realize… I didn’t hear any sound whatsoever coming from outside. It’s weird on Thursday morning. It’s just not the usual. Not even that annoying dog that usually barked all morning. I open the lock. I knock my 3rd sister’s, Sheena, door. No answer. She must’ve already gone to work. She works for a local University as Geology teacher. Her students are all on their midterms. And it made busy-weeks for her. Gone early and home late were her daily routine for the last couple of days. My 2nd sister, Danni, I presume already went downstairs for breakfast. She works for my father now that he just wanted to relax and stay home with his grandsons. My father works in bread industry for the last 30 years of his lives and he’s now leaving it to his son and daughter, that made my brother, Tony, and Danni works together as a team. I never thought it will works though, since me and all my sisters was not very close or to be harsh… hate him. But, so far, they went along just fine. I say because they were separated from each other. Bread is very ‘hot’ right now, the demand charts is far passed the line. It’s also creating a hectic on the market. So, when I see Danni’s not in the kitchen having breakfast, I’m not that surprise. I didn't see the maids either. I presume Bie and Nue went to the market to buy some vegetables I told them yesterday. Daisy, my 1st sister, and William, her husband, usually gone to work with Danni in the morning. I never thought they would go that early considering the lazy habit of Daisy. Daisy and her husband opened a new café not far from Danni’s pastries. The café have some potential as I saw it, and both Daisy and William worked so hard to make it possible. I had to give them credit for their willingness to have a life, as I am here willing-less to make my own. It’s 8.21 am. The kids already went for their elementary class. No one’s down stairs, I look at my father and my mother’s room. Seems empty. It’s dark inside. I go out. That dog’s not on his cage. It’s empty. Where’s that dog? I liked him that’s true, but I can’t stand the noises he made. It’s just annoying. Somehow, I’m just glad he’s not here today. There, next to the car, I see a newspaper. I took it. As I wonder my eyes around the neighborhoods…
I drop my jaws…
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