playing games

hard to get, revenge, affair, name them all, I’ve done them. What did I get? None! Ow wait, I got hurt, left, no love… why do I feel like I need to play games, when all I have to do exactly is to say ‘I love’ when I love someone, and ‘I don’t’ when I don’t! it seems easy in theory, much harder on practicing (hell, everything is!). Although, under certain circumstances, it’s better to not love than too madly in love. I’m just like a puppy, pet my hair, say nice things, kiss good, and then BAM!, I love you! I’m so cheap; I fell in love easily! And the way I handle it? I’m not playing games (perhaps people think I’m playing games, but I’m not), I just end things first before it gets too deep (I’m a bit of possessive), it will not do good for me, and I’m sure it’s not good for them too. Am I playing games with avoiding? I don’t really know what’s the meter for games. But I know one thing, if this is another games I’m playing, I really don’t mean it, and I’m sorry to people I’m messing with.

I really like this guy, seems nice, never bored with me (what a sweet talk!), and all the little things he do, but then again he’s everything I’ve told to myself I won’t date; he’s my age, not really mature (or so I thought), still confused with his sexuality (I never liked Bi)… got me thinking, this is not going to be so well in the future. Better save then hurt, the avoiding is beginning. But since i am oh-so-selfish, I don’t want him to think I don’t like him, cause I don’t want that gate closed forever. I don’t want to think that there’s no opportunity that someday we might get together (what am I thinking, I don’t even know if he likes me or not! man I’m over confidence!).

and if I’m doing this, it’s not going to be fair for him. I know I don’t want him to think that I don’t love him, but I also don’t want him to think that I’m that kind of person who likes to play games and leave him hanging there with no answer whatsoever from me (it hurts, and I know cause I’ve been there). And now I know I have to decide.

And then he messages me, asking me to go out with tonight eating ice cream and stuff like that (never been happier!). And I said yes!

but, ow wait, What’d I get? Stood up, yes.. i will never be happy :-) haha..

hmm… although, I’m pretty sure it’s just misunderstanding.. anyway I’m sorry

lots of love