nu hair cut
I was having a mental breakdown for the break up starting last month. I had someone breaking me up for some reason I didn't even know. I didn't know what I did, what I said, it’s just gone like that. And it makes me sick! What I need was just a closure, like everybody else (then it hits me, I think that I might missed closuring for my last break up… ah well!) I didn't even think I could love again (well, at least for one year or two, I will fall in love eventually) so soon. Well at least that what was I thought it would be.
Unfortunately, as I wrote in my last few blogs, I like someone so easy (translate into cheap). I know sometimes I’m overly exaggerating the situations, but it seems like I’ve always knew, when it comes for love, someone’s going to get hurt, and until last month I never knew that someone’s might be me! I’m pretty shallow to think about this, but I just don't want to get hurt. So, in order to not be in love and fulfilling my needs as a single is to perform like a playboy (like I have the looks!). I just meet with new peoples, have fun together, and when I feel there’s some sparks between us, I can always run away and find someone else new! But if there’s no sparks at all but it still is fun, we can maintain friend. I had it going on in the past few dates (it’s a short list thou), I’ve succeeded! Until… (Not getting into that now).
I’ve always had so many strategies I’ve plotted for dating, some I might do, but some I just think it’s too corky to bring to life (I can assure you it had nothing to do with playing games in relationship, cause I did all this strategies before I stepped into those relationships). One of them is, I’m totally into cute and hot guys, I do! But they’re always been a fling for me, nothing more. And for relationships I prefer someone less cute and hot, but still have potential to be cute (I’m not really into dirty, stinky, ‘ugly’ ones, omigod, I’m so SHALLOW!). no offence to any of my ex-es, but some friends of mine don't always think I choose the right partner (considering the looks). But I’ve always told them too that I see something special in that one even though he’s not that cute or hot. And anyway, I never have to be worried about getting jealous for them (hah! Although some certain condition I did got jealous! Silly!). but I still aware that there were always a chance that they might cheated on me, but Instead of stressed out, I can always think that they’re not good enough for me if they cheated on me. Having these things plotted, turned out, doesn’t really saved me from getting hurt (last ex). I think this too was the reason why I’m so tired of relationships, other than that hurt bullshit, I can’t really be myself, I cannot be too open, there’s always a boundaries, and so on, so on. (and it’s tiring plotting for your dates, so much!)
And now, I’m dating again (duh!), although it’s only that 5 days thing. at first I didn’t really think that I will date this one, why?, he’s very cute, charming, easy going, the one that I think have 90% chance cheating on me (with all his out there friends, which I don’t mind), when I’m looking for someone who’s only got 20% chance cheating. But there’s a lot of things that he does that makes me go crazy! All the little things, all the talk-a-talk, all the putting-me-first, MY! It’s like, I feel very transparent around him, he could see me through! He’d always knew what my thoughts was and do exact same thing as I want him to. But of course, I tried (so hard) couple times avoiding him, I didn't want to call or message him, and I ask him nicely to just back up. Not so much of a result thou, I kept on calling and messaging (damn!). I even did things I never did to my ex-es nor my flings, I sacrificed. Man, this is going to be a huge problem for me. But I’m ready to take all the chances; I didn't even really care about all the chances. For once I just don't want to think about all this complicated dating things (just go with the flow). Play fun
Lots of Love!
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