siblings nite out

I have a thought… if relationships are hard, why bother having one? But then… I have another thought; it’s harder to be alone. Unavoidable word for all singles out there. It’s true, god did made humans meant to be paired.

This sort of rush feelings that we usually get on our first date, well I gotta say, that’s the best! New feelings that are about to bound together as one, the rush of talking about the futures ahead together as a couple. Getting to know each other, the missing and everything… the things we only get on the pre-relationship we mostly missed after relationship runs in quiet a while. Come to think about it, maybe that’s the reason why back then all my relationships was so…. Dry. Though, I’m sure out there, there’s someone who can always make me feel like on the first date even though it’s our 5th anniversary. And in return, I will make sure that I’m the best that one person ever gotten a.k.a heaven on earth!

When I’m feeling happy and positive about my single relationship with myself, both my sisters were having problem with theirs. Fights really indeed common in relationships. Some were made-fights to spice up the connection, some were just stupid fights over stupid little things, some were real fights that was led by all those stupid little fights… and when it happened, it’s as if a cue for clubbing night and dance our ass off!

2 years of relationships, I say quiet a long period of togetherness. Way passed the getting-to-know-each-others-ugly-side. Maybe a time for sacrificing ones habit for the other one after the proposal handed over. We all knew it was not her time to change when he, forcibly, asked her. And she was all ‘why can’t he accept me for who I am? I can’t wear this and that, I can’t even use this ribbon!’ (And showing her rather childish ribbon and hey, non problemo). She drank much that night and still she was feeling rather blue and not in the mood. Then, around 3, he showed up putting his ego down… and yes, she’s back on track!

7 years, 2 babies popped, and too many dramas later, through all the unnecessary fights and the last fight just before we went out to drunk our asses off, they’re still care for each other. The sweetest thing happened on the dance floor, while dancing with me, she called him and said that she loves him and he said he love her too always, with upbeat love song in the air (and might I add, lots of smoke filled the air too!) hung up the phone she hugged me crying. It was 2 am, feeling better after the call she just made we danced until 7 am.

Have fun sisters?

Lots of Love!

'secret'

A friend I met recently at yahoo messenger spoke to me about this DVD that’s apparently changed his lives (I can’t say changed his lives in whole, maybe changed his point of view). The ‘secret’ they called it. Definitely I remembered talking about that certain DVD to other friend I talked earlier. I remember it clearly because it was when I said I am a negative person, then he came endorsing the ‘secret’ to me which I directly said no to. And so, when I heard this friend hand over the idea again, I was ready to say no when he shut me up and talk and talk and talk about this ‘secret’ and how it changed his life point of view and that it made him a whole new person. He really scared me, I never see him in such situation, a blabber I might say. Never before, for 11 years we’ve been friend, I saw his side of stubbornness. Intrigued (and scared a bit), I googled it. ‘The law of attraction’ was the main key to this ‘secret’, and that was the best I could get. He insisted that I should buy the book and better yet watched the DVD, and to promised him that I will buy the DVD the next day. Avoiding his odd bizarre approach, I said yes and log off with no intention to buy anything the next day for I will be hell busy cleaning the house.

And so, I was being a very good son, cleaning the house (while cursing my life), I washed the clothes, I ate, I drank, I napped. It was 7 p.m when my sisters and in-law wanted to pick something and asked me to watched Nathan in their room. While he’s playing alone with his board (which he made believed to be a fan), I explore their messy room and hoping that I would find the matrix movie I’ve been craving for the last few days. Then there it was, the ‘secret’ DVD, just laying there not yet to be opened, sealed. There’s no wonder how she got it in the first place, she has a pile of being-positive book under her dirty clothes. My curiosity level back then was over the top that I took it and opened the seal without asking permission (anyway they were out). Nathan was still playing, alone, so I went to my room next door to watched it.

It was brilliant!

As I watched the program, I don’t know why but I can’t stop smiling. I was maybe a bit overwhelming at first, but then as I thought about it, smiling is not going to harm me, why not?! I had the thought of that it was just made-believe, and that it was just so people feeling good about themselves. Well that’s the whole point isn’t it? Feel good about yourself, feeling grateful of what you have, always focusing on what you want and act on it! Sadness and misery comes all the time, don’t focus on that, focus on what you have and you feel good about. For me, ok I don’t have the perfect relationship, I don’t have a great career…

the truth is, it’s not ‘DON’T’, it’s just ‘NOT YET’!

Positively, I’m sure I will have all that in no time! Meanwhile, I’m just going to be grateful on what I do have, a great family, the good life, the good food I ate, good friends, great hair, cute looking ;-), talented, creative, etc. And now I don’t understand why I let someone-who-breaks-my-heart getting me all down the last few weeks when I have all the above that I dearly possessed all these times… it’s just stupid! Or as my friend would say… stupido idioto!

Lots of Love!

masquerade

Your sweet lips said yes to me the first time I knew you
Your sultry eyes showed cared the first time we met
Your soft hands caressing gently through my skin
I fell through deep hole you made and I’m trapped

But you left…
Left me thinking that it was all just another show you performed
a magnificent show that has blinded my eyes

Life is a theater; people have their own part
I am as blank as everybody else to know how my story would go
Let alone a story in addition of a role within a role
So how was I to know that you would break my heart?

If this is what it is, and my negative thoughts were real…
You deserved an award for the role that you played
And sincerely, I applaud you

Someone has fooled me not long before you
Someone who played a double role inside my tale
I have never been wrong in recognizing the type
But I missed one, and it was you
I saw you and you were not once showing that you are the type
I have always thought that it was your inattentiveness personality
And dealing with that I was beginning to feel ready

Your line of honesty has opened my eyes
I thanked you for coming clean with me
You knew I need constant convincing
The one thing you’re tired of giving
And my pessimistic presumption was:
That it was all planned by you intended to drive me away
You made it, you drove me away…

I may have been somewhat immature the night I called you
It was never my intention to do so and I have to apologize
I can say it was hard for me to face the fact
But I never hated you and never I will
Truth be told, I’m being grateful of what you did
You are another lesson I had to elapse to reach the end

Another immature behavior I possessed had erased you off my phone
It was not my smartest move, don’t look down on me ☺
I can promise you, if we bump into each other somewhere
I will politely ask how have you been doing
Just like what I did with that someone who fooled me before

i am free now, for you have provided a stairs for me to climb
to climb off the hole i was trapped in
and now... if it is not too much to ask
i'm begging for you to loose the stairs
just so i'm not voluntarily and easily...
enter your deep hole ever again

Lots of Love!

bye bye bitch

It may not be some kind of a new years resolution. But at least, I’m thinking it’s time for me to change. I don’t really know if it’s possible or not for me to let go of my bitchiful sentiment, but at least I’m going to try my best.

When did it all started? Well, it comes from a dear friend. And I’ve known him since junior high school. I thought he knew I am that bitchy… umm.. Actually he knew, but I think he didn’t handle with it very well. So, just last week, on YM (I kinda forgot what exactly he said to me, but I’m just going to explain the essence of the story). So on YM, he told me that he just downloaded the 2nd part of American Next Top Model cycle 9. And of course I was psyched! I love ANTM sooo darn much! I asked him right away to put it in USB and the next time we meet to bring it. He was on a sensitive mood he told me, so when he felt I was forcing him all the time, he said ‘a simple thank you would’ve been nice’, I knew I should use my manner and said ‘thank you, you are so nice’ in a polite yet sincere way. Instead, I was sort of pulling a joke and said ‘thank you Robertino’ in a making-fun kind of way.

Insulted, he confronted me right away…
‘I’m tired Bobby!’
‘I’m tired of you, you’re such a diva!’

That’s where I knew I was over the line. But still, saving my pride, I yelled back! I kind of forgot what exactly did I say, but I’m sure I said ‘try to say NO to me! If you never told me what you felt about all those things, then how should I know?! I am not a psychic you know!’

Robert, you really are a nice friend! And I’m sorry for treating you like that. Promise that I’ll change (I’ll try my best, just don’t expect too much). So we cool? ;-)

One last thing… Before I’m trying to change a little of my attitude, I would really like to empty my negative thoughts about other people that I hated. So I’m just going to spill it. I’m not going to put names; instead I’ll replace it with numbers…

1. You are so fake! If you don’t really posses something, don’t act like it. Social awareness of you wouldn’t get you anywhere. And I think it has something to do with your immaturity. You and your so-called clique should learn a lot. There’s more to it than just wealth and pride. Some are fortunate, some don’t, some black and some white, and a lot of other differences, but we are all the same human being.
2. You are so stupid! He cheated on you THREE times and still you wouldn’t hear what we’re trying to say to you? Instead you kept on listening to his ‘je ne sais qua’ bullshit. He lived near his boss, his boss is a cheater, what do you expect?! I’m not being negative, but it’s been three times, THREE times! I never want to meddle into others relationship, but you are close to me…
3. I hated you, you hurt my close one! You cheated on her three times and you still have the guts to faced me?! And talk to me?! I hated you the first time you cheated, I felt like I will never forgave you, but then she asked me to cause she loves you so much, and I gave in and welcomed you back. But bastard, you lied, and you cheated again! What kind of animal are you?!
4. You played a lot of games towards me back then. I should’ve known your type, but I was just too naïve I guess. I just don’t understand how human being could be so full of tricks.
5. You talked about him too much! It’s driving me insane… arghhhh… is there anything better for me to listen than some junk about how you realized he was the one that you shoved through my ears?
6. You are cute and I like you. But what did we talk about? Games? star wars? Myanmar?! Uh uh… i gotta tell you I am smart, but I’m not encyclopedia smart OK. I’m lost most of the time when I’m with you. oh, and i'm begging you not to play with my heart! i'm too old for that kind of games anyway! i just needed a goddamn simple relationship! is that too much to ask?
7. You really know how to make me feeling guilty. And I despised you for that.
8. I knew you were into looks and stuff, but you tried to deny it when I confronted you. The question is… would you still have the courtesy to ask me to stay over at your place if I’m overweight? I’m guessing NOT. hey, I’m not judging ppl who are into appearance, I AM anyway one of them… just be frank!
9. You are the greatest. If you don’t own both right and left hand, I would be honored to open doors for you. But hey, you DO OWN them! Stop being such a diva when you knew you’re NOT!
10. You wear too much make up; you looked like a Halloween clown. Did you ever notice that?
11. You cried all the times… my my… Ahhhhhh!!!! Why? You are spoiled little bitch aren’t you?! But it’s ok, you are cute most of the times
12. I have no idea how many times have I told you not to pupu on the pants!! I yelled, I shouted, I ignored, I threatened, even I compared… but you never listen eh? What are you sick or something that you can’t say ‘uncle I want to pupu’?!?! was it too hard for you?! Aside from the pupu thing, you are still my favorite of the two…
13. It’s funny how when we entered your room, we can’t even touch your bed sheet but when it comes to you entering our room… you are just as free as a bird sitting on our beds doncha?? Are you really that selfish slut?
14. You’ve got bigger figure than the others, and me and yes you threatened us vigorously. But you are just a little mini coward when it comes to your friends, am I right? Fucking pathetic loser!
15. Both of you are totally one of a kind, and you are totally made for each other! You both have so many similar personalities and have lasted for years. I envy you on that part. But you both are just an accusing couple who like blaming every negative things to other people, am I correct?! Bitches! Stop pointing your finger at me; you know I could do a lot worse!

It’s really tiring eh, pulling out negative thoughts… ☺
It’s still a long list, but I felt rather sick thinking the negative side of people all at once. This does not include long-lost fake friends; I might be out of control if I wrote about them… anyway…

Lost of Love!

P.S. when I judged the above list people, I do know that I have some negative points too and I’m being self-critical about it. Just reminding, so you’re not thinking that I’m some of those judgmental psycho who didn’t read himself.

this guy

I went online… again! I didn’t know anything better to do! Poor me… anyway, I went online, but back then I promised myself I wont sign in to IRC and sticking to Yahoo Messenger only just to catch up the latest gossip with some of my friends. And none of them online! Checking all mails done, downloading Aly & AJ’s ‘potential break up song’ done, downloading Amadeus 1.5.3 done… and so I turned on IRC (Arghhhhh!!!). Some people on the channel mostly they knew that DonJuahn was my nick, persisting on I don’t want anybody knew I was online; I used the nick [click`me`im`cute]. I don’t normally using nick like ‘cute’, ‘hot’, ‘handsome’ or anything similar, anyway I am this one insecure boy, especially lately when I gained a lot of weight and didn’t work out as much as I used to. No doubt, people who were into appearances all queried me (it’s really rare for me to be busy on the channel). There were rude people, weird psycho, old pervert, sex addict, immature puberty, and sadomasochist… and then there’s this one guy, he talked good English (well educated really turns me on, not in a sexual way btw). He talked shit, craps, cliché, whatever bullshits but then he managed to make all that interesting for me to response back. We traded pics, he insisted that I should view his profile and so I did. He’s not really my type for he looked so small. Whenever I chatted on IRC, it’s normal for people to find something, whether it was just a one-night stand, a simple date and/or perhaps potential boyfriend. How can I see my self with someone that looked like a midget?

One little thing that hit my attention was his overly confident self. He is! He talked it’s as if he can get anyone to like him, I was intrigued. The time I told myself I wont give any phone numbers that night, I gave him mine (think he doesn’t take no for an answer). He called me later that night. Thought he was in Indonesia but no, he was overseas (what’s the point?!?! Not another LDR!!). But then he told me he’s departing the next day and that he actually lives in Indonesia. Turned out, he’s a friend of my friend. And so when he made friendly date with his friend, my friend asked me to come along. Promised Elen that I would help her with her finals, I had to say no. But then, she cancelled on me (that beeyatch!) because he had to work the next day. So when he called me again to confirm, I said yes to Hot Station. I didn’t saw, but he said he did this face, this insistent solicit face he imitated from puss-the-boots on Shrek 2. It was kinda funny.

I met him. And turned out, pictures really indeed lied. He looks nothing like his pictures. His face was still the same, but he’s bigger. Doesn’t at all looked like a midget. Shoot! He’s a little babbling tho… and his face was as red as a boiled crab.

What’s with this picture?!?!

Lots of Love!

webcam & the number 5

Today, my task was to deliver one letter my sister gave me earlier to the post office. And so, I went to Multiplus, an all-that business centre near my house (of course after driving my dad to the atm, he’s just too lazy). I dropped the letter to be delivered. On the way out, a couple of teenagers barged in and told the lady they wanted to use the internet. I was always curious trying on one of those webcam and perhaps sign in on one of those chatting room and use the nick ‘cam2cam`Jakut’ mite be fun! (yes, I don’t have any webcam, boohoo me!). I asked the lady that I wanted to use the internet upstairs, and she just said “you’re on number six”

Hmm… not very typical like the other internet places where I just pick wherever and whichever computer as I liked and I sat and I log in. so I went upstairs and look for number six from 40 computers there. It was at the far dark corner next to the glass window they uses to separate between smoking and non-smoking room (I felt like I was in a restaurant or something). And there, the number 5, staring at me looking cute and all, and then back to his monitor. I was starting to felt ecstatic when suddenly I found out that there’s no webcam whatsoever on all the computers. Without further ado, I went downstairs and asked the lady where did all the webcam go?! She said there were never any. So I left Multiplus. At the edge of the rolling door, I just remembered about that cute number 5… Darn, I should’ve asked for his phone number! I put down my will and went home without any new phone numbers on my phonebook (such a whore).

Home with nothing else to do, I went online. And found out that the picture of Dove that I took for one pullip contest was not eliminated and go on to the next round. The theme was Bon Appetite. I was supposed to take the photograph for I already had a couple of ideas on mind. Since Dove’s in my friends hand (it’s his), and he cannot go to my place so we decided that he’s going to continue the contest alone (I might give hands if he needed one online). He already took some photos and asked for my opinion; he’s not that bad himself. I just hope he’s not getting eliminated on the second round. Work it out bitch!

It was 5 when I thought that online at home was very… Very boring. So I went to Hot Station and used the free wireless while enjoying the view… it’s as if I always forgot that the view I’m looking for wasn’t meant to be Hot Station, it was always filled with horny 40 years old male who liked to flirt with young girls (amazingly those girls response was bitchy enough that those oldies just wont stop, then the girls started screaming bitchiful, totally annoying!). Not ONE, I repeat, NOT ONE single decent men I could lay my eyes on. I ended up downloading MP3 editor program from version tracker.

Went home at around 7, quick dinner and then to my room. Listening to new Britney Spears songs! They’re good! GOOD! I loooove ‘Got me high’ she sounds so sexy! Love love looooved her! I also like ‘it’s been a while’ and of course ‘Gimme more’, and not to be left out ‘Heaven on earth’. Nicole Scherzinger from Pussycat Dolls is totally hot too! Her duet with Rihanna ‘Winning Woman’ is a must! The best featuring since Timbaland + Nelly + JT and Beyonce + Shakira.


'Got Me High'

i love it…
everything you do is so seductive
you got, that thing that i want, and then some
and i can't even front, so listen,
i know what you're missing,
better hurry up cause time is ticking,

tick tock, tick tock

come and get me while i'm hot


Soooooooo HOTTTTT..!!!
You really got me obsessed Britney!

Lots of Britney!