Get a life! better yet, get a partner!

Why do I have to get a life?

Sleeping at 9 a.m and wake up the same day at 3 p.m is not a typical life I’d hope I pursue at the age of 22! And I’m one year older in less than a month. I’m getting used to it, already been months since the last time I can tell days and dates.

What date is today?
I have to check my cell first for that question

I’m stuck or am i just simply not trying?

i am now on the last semester and doing my dos-final project, it had taken me zero times of my days, do nothing except waiting for the goddamn second evaluation with two tutors (already did the 1st evaluation with first tutor on 11th june, and the second will be held on 19th june) and finally the final presentation on 25th june. Until then, can I really find a job where they accept the fact that I’m still in college (although a months away)? just to fill my open time, I could do a part timer, unfortunately, not a lot of vacancy on that part! And here I am complaining about my problem when out-there, there are a lot of people facing the bigger problem than mine. But the thing is, I’m just tired living my life! The thought of suicide did cross my mind, but hell, that’s stupid and irresponsible! (even, I felt stupid just thinking of it)

Thanked god, these few couple of days I’m occupied, in charge of buying needed things for my dad’s birthday tomorrow, like going to the market to buy some shredded coconut (duh! Like everyday I’m buying that from the market! Anything else?!) And today, I was just from the mall to buy the cake (the cheese cake from bread talk’s very tempting! Take them tomorrow at 6 p.m sharp!) and written on the cake “Happy Birthday Daddy!” (First I wanted “Happy Birthday Grappy” but then my sis’s agreed on daddy), then to Carrefour to buy some egg, plates and forks, garlic, bla bla bla… and ah… there’s a cute one around the corner of bread and pastries, totally my type! But, running out of time, without introducing myself, I have to get back! He’ll come around anytime soon anyway.. hahaha…

Tomorrow’s going to be a busy day, mum already asked her sis to come and help, and she needed as much help as possible, including grams? I don’t think grams could help much accept to watch over her great grand child (that’s my nephew). Mum’s not going to allow me to go anywhere tomorrow since she need my help just incase she needed something from the mall, and in return, I asked her to make my favorite food, fried squid with salted bread crumbs (yum!), then she said too much work that has to be done, so she told me just to buy it from some seafood restaurant (good enough!)

Why do I have to get myself a partner?

I’m totally upset with the ‘partner’ word! Where is the partner I’ve been looking for? Am I demanding? Is that why I couldn’t get myself one? I have always said these things “seems like all the good ones were already taken, what’s left is the cute ones but for some little reason, i'm just not a fan” yes, that’s my friend, is demanding!

What have I got so far? Who’s my target? Am I looking for sexual appeal? Am I into appearances? And the question I’ve been asking myself, my sis’s, my friends lately…

Am I a Top or Bot?!

One friend said to me, sex is the foundation of relationship (it is for her), once she had this relationship with someone who’s so bad in bed (maybe not really that bad, but he just don’t know where to put his big penis which end up hurting her), she always end up having fight with that man for the same problem over and over.

Size really doesn’t matter, if one person can’t perform well as Top…
Big penis: Hurt
Small penis: don't feel a thing!

and with professional Tops would be...
Big penis: AHHH... I'M COMING!!
Small penis: AHHH... I'M COMING!!

Some people are into chubby and some people into muscle or lean figure. Even sometimes, there are also some people who are into rough dirty animalistic body (I don't understand). To me though, I don’t really care about chubby or muscle, as long as they’re not so skinny-I-could-break-his-bones or dirty, I’m good! But, I also think that there are some people who looked good chubby and some looked good muscled (and some in between). Like a friend of mine, she liked the look of her boyfriend even though people can totally see that he’s overly weight (but he still looked good! Before I just think he’s good in pickin’ his clothes, now I know he’s the type of person who looked good either way, chubby or fit)

Once I walked just to buy some stuff at the mall, I saw this good-looking man, he’s chubby, but he’s cute. At the first glance, I shouted loudly inside “I CAN DO HIM!” well, he’s totally gay the way he looked at me, but I think that’s his boyfriend next to him, so, NEXTT!!!

Am I into appearance? I think so, but in lower level I guess! I really don't mind chubby, as long as he’s still looking cute and stuff (FYI, there are people who’s totally against chubby! Even a little fat on the waist “NA AH! YOU WISH! BUBAY…”)

I have always been a Top for the past few relationships I had, and everybody always known me as Top, a questioned-top! (secara ngondek getohh!), although here and then, some asked me to be his bot and I said yes, half a penis I gave them time-out! It hurted a lot! Gosh! I reached the point where it was bleeding! Then the sex stopped. But these days, I always thought that it would be nice if I were a bot! But remembering the pain and blood, I don't think I want to have one of those ever again!

it's kinda confusing...

So what am i? I’m tired to be Top, and I can't be Bot! It kinda make me nothing, who wants to fuck nothing?!?!?! Awwww… I’m sadd…… ☹

Lots of Love! (my ass!)