in between

Algiers & Byblical


As it turned out, I don’t know where my relationship is going. Is there any right reason for telling your partner that you don't love them anymore? Or should I be left feeling guilty for breaking another heart? Or am I? Who knows, maybe at some point, this relationship we build is basically a failure from the start but none of us wanted to step up and end this. In that case, I’m not breaking any heart when we both knew this would not last and both wait for other party to be the bad guy.

Is that even possible? I hope so! It will be easier for me…

Again! Me! Why am I this selfish is beyond me!

The past few days, all I’m feeling was that I wanted to be single again. But one part of me did thought; good guy doesn't come around that twice. And I’m back to phase one. Guess there is such thing as good and evil in one person’s lives. Or maybe in me, Algiers and Byblical…

~Algiers~
Good person doesn't come around that often, you want to be sorry for the rest of your life? For, of course, you will be single for the rest of your days!

~Byblical~
Funny you should mention that, who’s going to be more sorry if turns out one day you cannot take this anymore and eventually you’ll end things. You will not only holding back his next love but think how deep his love for you by then, it will hurt him even more!

~Algiers~
You felt comfy around him, and that what’s matter! As a poet would say, love will grow! You don't want to be single forever right?

~Byblical~
Oh, yeah! Listen to the poetic mad-man! Comfy is what matter! Why don't you just say, oh, okay, I love his nail, so I want to marry him! My point is, yes you like him, you need him, but stop thinking everything is about you. Have you ever think this through his side?

He might be thinking, oh, everything’s going so well, nothing changes, but you’re having second thought. A week, two weeks, three weeks… surely you’re meeting up with new people and make friends. And he’s ok with that, you’re only making friends, or so he thought. One day, you meet another perfect candidate for you (or so you thought). And you just leave him like that? Take his position, and how would you feel?

Stop it you two! You both are the greatest, but not helping here! (fyi, that does not include a list of also ‘non-helping’ advices from friends)

The truth is, he’s a nice guy. Being with him is such fun! No, that’s fairly incorrect, we just don’t have the same connection, the chemistry, it felt like we’re forcing stuff to make stuff happen. Maybe partly that’s why I lost some feelings, no, to be harsh I never had the feelings. Basically, it’s like I’m trying on an outfit that I know didn’t go for the soiree and I tried it anyway, it still does not work. Yes, I’m a B.I.T.C.H!

He really is nice to me, it definitely outrun the fact that we didn't have the chemistry. But over time, it’s really a pain in the buttocks! I don't know if it’s because that he called too much or that I’m not a phone-guy, but I’ve been to the place where I rerun the question I asked him earlier… on the SAME phone call! The purpose of avoiding awkward has led me to awkwardness!

Well, I guess it’s true. I whine when I’m single and I whine when I got one! I really should attend some sort of mental classes just to figure out what do I really want in life! Obnoxious loser, me! I just have too many things to figure out in life. And this is the least problem from what I’m facing. To save some time, as Tyra Banks would say, I’ve reached my decision.

Lots of Love!

About Me ~Deux

Living for the past 20 years as the last-born child had me all irresponsible, negligent, immature, and careless. I’m not saying that I have experienced all that ups and downs in life as a 30 years old would, but my ups and downs that revolve just enough around my family, educational, relationship, and friends for the past 3 years, has taught me to be a little bit responsible, less careless and more mature as I am standing here now on my 23rd self. Here as well, I’m not saying that I have loosened the juvenile self I owned, I’m not proud of it but also I’m not disgusted by it. Once I remember a friend have told me that I am talented with all the creative I have made, am I now? She’s neither wrong nor right. Of course I would say I am talented, that is if I’m in a job that I love and that I do them well. Creative on the other hand, I would still say that I am one. I don't know if there’s any rank that one has to reach or a task that have to be fulfilled to settle a creative being, but in my understanding or to be accurate as I saw the creative level in the country I live now, It’s a definite mistakes for me to say I failed to perform. No, I’m not saying that I am better; I’m just as good. In life overall, I would say I am a three at this point of mine.

Obsessing for fashion would have me all tremble and squeaky if one day I’m this famous fashion designer. But with only the degree in Visual Communication, I’d say I doubt it. I can't wait if someday I will be able to meet world famous Designers that has made this world is what it is now; a world where people turn every business opportunity to a fashion manifestation! Ask them how they transform old tulle to a fabulous couture! And perhaps steal the opportunity to be made their assistant (I would be so honored!)

If there is anything better than fashion for me, it’s to be a photographer. This may be more in sense than the fashion thing since I have some study regarding photography, but silly me still hoping in pursuing fashion. Picture really is indeed reflect thousands of words, the more did art photography.

Even though sometimes I did pictures to speak my mind, often I just speak my mind! I am a man of words (not a man of his words, no, I can’t keep up with promises). You might say I talk faster than I think. I’m this selfish ego that may run this city packed with people into oblivion. It’s not likely me to be considerate of other people feelings. But I do know my real friends and of course, we talk feelings to feelings mad like hell. I can separate the fake ones and filtered which one which. With so many fake people in the city, no wonder how so little friends I’ve got. The truth is, I have nothing oppose to the fake person thing, let’s face it, I’ve been fake some of the time and we needed that just like we needed Body Shop daily-musk to survive in this social world, but the ‘too fake’ one that bothered me (I bothered a lot of people too, but hell, this could go round and round!). Some have argued if I worth to be friends with. I can’t really blame them to even reconsider being my friend. I’m not going to force one person, as I am insanely not pleased to be forced-friend with someone I don't like.

One has said, I often contradict myself. So, yes I may have state myself in apparent ways above. Don’t really count to it if someday you really meet me and see that I’m this whole other person you didn’t see anywhere in the text above. I am that contradictive.

Til then, ciao…

Double-a-bed

I’ve just read this article concerning a sleeping behavior between two individual who share their bed. And there it said that National Sleep Foundation, a non-profit group in Washington, proximate that 61% Americans sleep with the person they loved. Even though the presence of other may have increase the sleeping disorders, 62% people that have been surveyed choose to still sleep with their companion.

I’m sure Americans have their own way, or maybe our way is just not as different as theirs. But to me personally, sleeping together, had me awaken all night long (maybe it had something to do with the fact that I own a single-bed, how vacant a single-bed could be with two grown-ups?), it really disturbed me physically with the hugging (don't get me wrong, I’m a big hugger! But sometimes, plus the air-con, it’s still hot!) and small space that kept us bumped to each other.

Even though I could manage the hugging and the bumping by purchasing a bigger bed, still, sharing a bed is tough (at least for me). From the temperature of the air-con when one party felt cold and the other as hot as hell, to the ritual of TV before bed. Or maybe about the tidiness and location of the bed (couples fight over these things!). Dinner or breakfast on bed? One of the most arguable conditions other than sleeping naked. Some even fought about the alarms and letting pets into bed.

I agreed with Paul C. Rosenblatt that every couple has to manage many problems so that the system could work. Stuff about how to make the bed, laying on the bed, bed-behavior, sleep and awake. Calling specific, which side of bed are you, watching news before lights off, how often you go to toilet, music volume, snoring, insomnia and bla bla bla. And of course, the signal whether they crave for attention, want to talk or just need to be alone. And as time goes by, problems evolve. It gets bigger, life full of it!

Often we manage to overlook this minor stuff when perhaps it’s the minor stuff that has led us all to fight over fights, broken heart, even failed marriage…

Ok, for a simple sleepover, that’s just too much!

Lots of Love!

Independence Day

People who read my blog (and of course keep posted with my love life) will recognize the pattern of me a propos to my habit in writing. Whenever I’m in sort of relationship, I become an infrequent blogger. My last blog was like last month and it ended there just at the beginning of my new ‘association’.

I just got back from an annual Independence Day bazaar around my neighborhood. It took place at block 4 (while I’m residing at block 7, just a step away). I arrive there just late enough to still able to watch the main attraction I’ve always wanted to see (but like never), the famous ‘panjat pinang’. There was a bunch of half-naked guy, covered in some sort of oil and then there’s a 10 meters horizontal pipe, which also covered in oil and a bunch of prize including the ‘flag’ on the tip of the pipe. The whole point is for them, shoulder to shoulder, climb onto the end of the pipe to catch the flag that worth millions Rupiah (and counting as time goes by). And of course the catch is that oil that’s so slippery and to make it a lot harder there’s a maximum person per pipe (5 max). Finally, after 15 times of trying (since I arrived there), they got the flag (and of course not to overlook, all the other prize). The flag worth 3,5 mil plus 500k the time they reach it. The funny thing was, the second they reach the flag; all the audience started to went their separate ways and in one half minute, the courtyard was empty. In the middle of the attraction, I spare me some time to buy a burger from a guy with bicycle cart. Just like the old days when I was on elementary school having the same burger in front of the schoolyard (tho, recent style was added to the burger, the meat is now covered with egg).

The hour was 5.21 pm when we decided it was not fun anymore. So we went to Hot Station (my sis craved for the ‘roti kosong’). She ordered it and the kids happened to order dinner there (I thought we only went there for half an hour just to enjoy the roti kosong, turned out we have our dinner there). The dinner only took us one hour for the place was haunted with mosquitoes, DEAD AND ALIVE! Fortunately for the mosquitoes, I use short pants, their dinner was served fresh with a little bit of sweet flavored from the sirap mutiara I drank.

Went home with all the hot sweat and dirt from outside the courtyard drove me insanely desiring for a cold bath and clean my asses off, almost literally speaking.

And here I am now, laying on my bed, having a melancholic moment alone with Michael Buble rhyming L.O.V.E through my ear and out the other. Tomorrow is weekend, me and babe planning on having our dinner at Zenbu and watching Ratatouille at I don't know where (we just decide it tomorrow). Ahh… Okonomiyaki.. here I come! But, I suppose tomorrow, from 9 to 4, I have to company my bro-in-law to his shop because my sis got to pick up one relative from the airport. Think we’re gonna have our dinner at 7. See you tomorrow babe! Til then.. Ciao!

Lots of Love!

ah.. yes, these couple of days, due to i don't know what! my back hurt really bad! i can't bend my self to pick up things from the floor or my back hurt, i cant sit too comfortable or my back hurt, i can't nod too hard or my neck will hurt! it's a pain! so, just 2 days ago, my mother ask a masseur to come to our house and see what's up with me? she come to conclusion that my lower part vein is all stretched and pointed to my back. so she did her thing, and voila, all the vein back to their places. tho it still hurt, but i think it's getting better (still, it's a pain now to sleep in any crazy position i love! i have to sleep like the dead!)

again.. Lots of Love!